Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

by Angela Chen

ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT: When I want you When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no When saying no means missing out on something I want WILLING CONSENT: When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now) When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes UNWILLING CONSENT: When I fear the consequences of saying no more than I fear the consequences of saying yes When I feel not just an absence of desire but an absence of desire for desire When I hope that by saying yes, you will stop bothering me, or think that if I say no you’ll only keep on trying to persuade me COERCED CONSENT: When you threaten me with harmful consequences if I say no When I feel I’ll be hurt if I say yes, but I’ll be hurt more if I say no When saying yes means experiencing something I actively dread