A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear: The Utopian Plot to Liberate an American Town (And Some Bears)

by Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling

But the bear, its plans for a quick and quiet lamb-napping long since dashed, was already fleeing toward the cover of the dark forest. As it turns out, Hurricane the llama wasn’t finished yet. Raised among sheep, Hurricane was a sheep lover. His best friends were sheep. The llama thought that he himself was a five-foot-nine, four-hundred-pound monster of a sheep. And because he was the biggest, toughest animal on the ranch, he played deputy to Burrington’s sheriff. For years he had patrolled the fence line, scanned the woods for danger, waited with the little ones out in the rain, and moonlighted evening stragglers, walking tight to make sure they got into the barn at night. When the bear fled, Hurricane flashed past Burrington and out onto the pasture. “Hurricane!” Burrington bellowed. “No!” But Hurricane, gone full-blown vigilante, was now a streak of light chasing a streak of darkness down the slope, long neck stretched out before him like a galloping camel. Stupid llama, thought Burrington, and she started running herself, a pathetically distant third in the race. Looking ahead at the path the bear was cutting, she suddenly realized that there was another crisis looming. What’s he going to do when he gets to the fence? The fine fence she built to keep bears out was about to keep one in. Hurricane was now so close to the bear, actually nipping at its rounded ass, that the bear, once it reached the barrier, would have little option but to turn and defend itself by killin...

Really?! A llama can take on a bear?

it does seem like 2016 was also a tipping point for a long-gestating problem of bear management that respected Free State boundaries. Neighboring Vermont, which has roughly the same number of bears and acres of land as New Hampshire, has about half the number of bear complaints.

Yes, but Vermont also has about half the size of the population of New Hampshire. That might explain it.