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Plus, Thatcher knew the names of all my cats when he wasn’t even on my detail. That fact alone is highly attractive. And it means that he’s paid attention to my life before being assigned to protect me.
“Je te dois beaucoup, ma moitié.” I owe you so much, my other half.
My identical twin, my soul and conscience, someone I couldn’t live without. The sun could be crashing down on the world, and Banks would be right by my side burning alive to push it back into the sky.
I’m head-deep, un-fucking-believably in love with this girl, and I would do anything for her.
“I’m prepared to be with you at every speed, and there’s no way you’ll exhaust me.”
We, Cobalts, are notorious secret-keepers and loyal to the very death,
No man has ever made me feel like a rare beauty worthy of sacrifice. He’s never sought after my fame or fortune. He’s just sought after me.
“Murder with the Cobalt fam,” Donnelly says through a mouthful of cheesecake. “Those who slay together, stay together.”
I didn’t want to leave her room. I wished I could listen to her talk while the sun rose and set. Every second. Every day.
My right-hand. My partner in crime. My protector. My boyfriend.
“I’m your big sister. I can do anything.”
But she’s mine, and I might not deserve her but I swear to God, I’ll never harm her, and I’d give my life to protect her. I know I’m not a prince. I’m not a king. But I’d treat Jane like she should be treated. She’s my princess, my angel, and my queen. Every morning and every night. I’d kneel at her feet and stand by her side.
That man has to be me. She wants a teammate, and she needs to see that we’re meant to stand at the end of the line together. That no matter the circumstances, I’ll rip through shackles and be there for her—always. Forever.
But when people see me—truly see me and not just the twin that I am—it’s a rush. Like drinking the coldest ice water on a scorching summer day, and I feel that every moment I’m with Jane.
Donnelly inked every single one of Beckett’s tattoos, and all are flowers from roses to daisies to lilies and poppies, as homage to our mom and aunts. It reminds me that he loves our family so greatly, despite having such little time to spend with us.
I am my mother’s daughter. Even if I only have one-tenth of Rose Calloway Cobalt in me, that’s one-tenth of fire and brimstone that I can wield.
I’m in another world with Jane. And I never want to leave.
“Tu es la meilleure. Il a même de la chance de respirer le même air que tu respires.” You’re the best. He’s lucky to even breathe the same air you breathe.
“I’m glad you’re here, Janie.” His chest rises. “I couldn’t do this without you.” Emotion wells my eyes. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Brave. Bold. Strong women rule my world, and I love them.
“You never need to apologize to me for expressing what you feel.”
Aunt Daisy has taught me to use my voice, even if the world says stay quiet. Aunt Lily has taught me fierce courage, even on days when you feel lesser than. And Rose Calloway Cobalt, my mom—she’s taught me how to walk into a room full of men and never back down.
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved,”
He deserves better than me. I push down that hurtful voice in my ear. I’m amazing too. I’m triumphant and beautiful, and I deserve his love.
“You choose me?” “Oui.” I breathe. “Toujours.” Always.
“Dad?” He greets, “Mon coeur.” My heart. Hearing his voice causes a small wave of homesickness. There’s no one like my dad, and I love him very much so.
“Pour toi n’importe quoi.” For you, anything.
My greatest duty in this lifetime is to protect the woman I love.
The love I carry for myself is enough. It’s always been enough.” Tears burn my eyes. “Until I met you.”
“Because I love you completely, Jane, and I want and need you during the worst and best moments of my life.”
“All I can promise is that I will love you and respect you, Jane. And I will never abuse your love or take advantage of what you offer me.”
“I could just as likely die tomorrow. And I’d want to spend my final moments next to you.”
“Because you trust me, Jane. You don’t need to feel guilty.” I trust him. With my life. With my body. I’m so willing to just lay down on a freeway for him, and maybe it is trust because I’m certain he’ll stand in front of traffic protecting me.
“Jane.” His eyes redden. “I love you. I’m here for these moments. Every fucking one. We’re going through fear, shame, guilt, back to fear together. A hundred, million times if we need to.”
Love is more. It’s the days I wake up, feeling a need, an urgency to protect her. Not just her body but her spirit—her entire soul. It’s the days I imagine losing her, and I’m met with a bottomless empty, nothing there but hollow numbness. Worse than death.
It’s the days I yearn for her laugh, for her companionship, and thoughts. It’s every day she makes me feel worthy of her and this life. All of it and more.
“That’s one of my favorite things about being with someone.” He sips his beer. “What is?” I pop in a battery with one hand. “Going through shit together. Growing with the person you love.”
We can come out on top together, and the time we’re taking to pick each other up has only made us stronger.
Keeping her safe. Sharing in this experience with her. Can’t ask for more.
feel sorry for you, that you can’t see how insecure you are and how secure he is. He’s a better man than you’ll ever be.”
“Sometimes I think it’s better for everyone if I just stayed in my room and never came out.” “It’d be worse,” I remind him. “Everyone would be sad.”
I’d enjoy this more if my migraine weren’t about to blow a hole through my temple.
“I would want that, but if the choice were marriage or you, I’d rather just be with you.”
It bursts my heart. How well this man knows me. How he knows when I have more to say.
“I don’t need a career to be a smart woman.” I go on. “I don’t need a job to be talented. I am both smart and possess talent, and the love that I give is just as important as the fashion empire my mom built. I am enough just as I am.”
“I am in awe of you.”
“You’re a good man.” “You’re a better woman.”
My best friend has murderous hyperboles that my mom would applaud in a heartbeat.
My confidante in life. My right-hand. My wingman. My hope and future.
Addiction is a wretched monster, and the only one who can truly defeat addiction is the addict. We’ve learned well enough from our family. We can do everything in our power to help Beckett, but at the very end, he has to want to help himself. And he’s not even close to that point yet. So we are fighting the greatest losing battle with our brother. But we’ll still fight for him.
