The Best Thing

by Mariana Zapata

Jonah Hema Collins wasn’t the devil, but I couldn’t say he wasn’t much further down the list than the red guy was on people I would rather never see.

He recognized the eyes on the screen. I’d been counting on it. He had seen them even more than I had. He had watched them change over the months from a greenish hazel to the lightest brown that reminded me of raw honey with its flecks of yellow and gold in them. The most beautiful eyes in the world, I thought. My favorite.

She was my seven-pound, eight-ounce surprise when she’d been born. The instant love of my life. The best thing I ever did.

as perfect as she was, I focused in on my favorite part of her. Her honey-colored eyes with flecks of gold and brown in them. Big and already almond-shaped. They were the eyes she’d inherited from her dad.

Live in my dreams. Where I could murder people without repercussions.

When you wanted something to work, you made it work.

I took a screenshot of the dumbass’s face and couldn’t help but cackle to myself. Busted. The snort beside my ear had me glancing over to find Jonah with a big dumb grin on his face. “What?” His big dumb grin got even bigger. “I like it when you laugh evilly to yourself.”

“It isn’t anything fun,” I warned him, watching that handsome face. This big, beautiful man ticked his head to the side. “It’s all good. I’m not particular about what we do.” One of his dimples popped. “I’d do anything with you.”

I wanted you both to myself for a bit longer,

Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. One of my coaches had told me once that those were the most pointless set of words in the world. But you learn to live with them, you learn from them, or you let them weigh you down for life.

“You’re smart, and you’re so damn funny.” I’d swear his eyes twinkled. “I could look at you all day, if it was possible.” I shut the hell up. “And I’d tell you what I think about all the rest of you if I didn’t think you’d knock me to the ground again,” Jonah admitted quietly, the smile he gave me afterward, small. This big, massive man was smiling shyly.

“You will always be in my life. It’s my responsibility to worry about you, even though I know you have experience with criticism and opinions. I know you can handle yourself, and more than likely anything, but I want you to know you have a choice. It’s up to you how much that is.

It’s easy for people to love you when you’re doing things for them, when they get something out of it. But it isn’t so easy to find people who will still love you when you’re down and need help getting up. That’s when you really find out who’s with you for the right reasons.

everyone has a threshold for what they’re willing to forgive. That you can forgive someone but never forget what they said, and you shouldn’t.

I don’t want you to go, but I’d understand if you did.

“There’s no place I wouldn’t want you to go with me.”

“But I want you to come with me. You and Mo. I want us to be together. I want my family with me.”

I just want you with me, Len.

“I don’t make up for everything you would leave behind, but I would try my best, Lenny. I would try my best every day if you’d consider it.”

An hour. Three. A day. Whatever you can do, I’ll take.

“I will always want you to be with me, do you understand?

“Time and distance… that’s nothing for us, is it? Whatever time we have together, I will cherish every minute of.”

“My body is leaving, but the rest of me will be wherever you and Mo are, Lenny. I’d hoped I’d made that clear.”

This is just the beginning, Lenny. It’s nowhere near the end.

the only things you lose are the things you give up on.”

“He just makes me happy, Grandpa. More than anyone else I’ve ever met, not counting you guys.”

I would do anything for you. That you were a supernova. And look at what I’d been doing to you. How could I bottle you up and decide your future for you? How could I tell you what to be? I wanted the world for you. I want the world for you.

It’s a part of me, you, and Peter, but it’s not everything.”

“Some people are lucky to find one person in the world to love. Some people are even luckier to find more than one person to love and be loved back. Some don’t find anyone. If you find someone, you don’t let them run away. We love them the way we need to love them. The way they need to be loved. And we don’t give up on that. We don’t throw that kind of thing away or push it to a better time, because there is no better time. If you love that kid the way you say you do, you don’t give that up. You fight for it, you stick with it, and you go for it. You keep it.”

“I’m telling you to go live your life, Len. I’m telling you to go be happy. That’s what I’m telling you to do.”

the second he spotted us, the small, polite smile on his face exploded. The man I loved lit up.

To remember the most important part of life is living it with people that you love and people that love you right back. It’s the greatest gift we can have.

never forget what’s important. You’re each important. You’re each loved. And if you love something or someone, you don’t ever give up on it. Life’s not easy but hold on to the things that matter, even if you have to use some fingernails.

Do what you have to do to be happy, okay? No one else is going to do it for you.”