Dear Ava

by Ilsa Madden-Mills

“I love you,” he says, his gray eyes clinging to mine. “Can’t you see that?” I suck in a breath. “I don’t know when, maybe last year, watching you with Chance, then it grew when I hired that P.I. and I got wrapped up in you and how fierce you are, Tulip, so beautiful and so much strength that I don’t…shit, I don’t know how you do it here at this place when I can’t even stand it. I see who you are and it terrifies me and I tried to stay away, but I didn’t, even when I swore I would, and now I’ve hurt you, but you have to take a good long look at me, a fucking long look and see what I’m made of, what makes me tick, and it’s about you.” His words rip me apart.

“Don’t walk away. Things will work out. Don’t, please. You belong with me, you do⁠—” I sigh. “Please, just…leave me be.” I pull back and walk away from him.

“Do you hate me? Even Knox?” My throat pricks with emotion. Never Knox. I wish, I wish he’d told me, but I get it, even as leftover anger still bubbles.

“Don’t do it, Tulip. Don’t leave me. Don’t—” His voice catches and he turns me around, his eyes gleaming. “Stay with me. I’m giving you my heart. I’m giving you everything.” I whimper. “Knox, I can’t.”

He sucks in air. “Don’t fuck me up, please. You can’t go because I won’t get over you. I won’t ever find someone like you. I won’t ever kiss a girl like you. I love you.” He sighs. “Fuck, don’t you love me? I think you do, but you never said, and I’m standing here and you’re packing up your shit and leaving me⁠—”

Brokenly, I say, “I love you, so much that I’d do anything, even if it means saying goodbye.

He’s here. He’s waiting. He’s been waiting. We both have. Like time hasn’t passed, I stop when we stand chest to chest. I reach out and touch his face first, brushing over that scar on his cheek, tracing it down to his upper lip. He bites my finger. I jump and laugh. He grins.

Oh, I see the promise in those beautiful eyes of his. The seriousness. The heat. I see him. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t love often, but once he does, it’s with everything he has.

His hand trembles over my heart for several long moments, his breathing rapid as he strokes up to my collarbone then around my neck, tangling in my hair. He buries his face in it and says my name, the tone layered with anguish and reverence, blended beautifully.

see his tulip bouquet tattoo, the script letters at the top of the pink blooms. My eyes blur. Emotion lifts me and destroys me at the same time as I trace my fingers over the words. Tulip. Waiting for you. Always.

“Lee Knox Grayson, I love you till the end of time. I never stopped. I never gave up. You’re my destiny. I’m yours. The universe fucking owes me, you feel me?”

“There’s room for Tyler here,” he tells me. I nod. “And I’ve been researching schools close to Vandy. There are a few he might like—if you want to move in, that is?” He looks uncertain. “I have money from my mom and I’ve been working for my dad to save up more. I want to take care of you and Tyler the right way.” Oh, Knox.

“I know you’re independent as hell, but I need you with me, Tulip. I let you walk away. I could have chased after you and begged you to come back, but I stuffed everything down and carried on for my family, to get our shit straight, and we did. But there’s no more going slow with me. No more distance. No more time to breathe. It’s our time. Us.”

“The sun’s coming up,” I whisper. “Dear Ava, today is the beginning of anything you want,” he says in my ear. I clutch his shoulders. “You. Always you.”

She’s the girl I wanted the moment she walked in the doors at Camden, and I know we’re young on the outside, but inside, the heart knows when it sees its forever.

Tyler squints up at her. “He’s got my sister by his side. She’s the badass. She’s in medical school. He’s feeling pretty lucky right now, alright.” His head nods with confidence. That’s right, straight from a kid.

Ava meets my gaze, bites her lip, and clasps my hand. Tyler puts his small hand in my other one. Dane takes Ava’s free hand, and Dad takes Tyler’s. We’re a family.

Our lines got a little blurry along the way, through broken hearts and time lost, but in the end, we made a full, complete, beautiful circle.