Dear Ava

by Ilsa Madden-Mills

“All I had that was mine—my body—was taken without my consent, by you or one of your precious teammates. There’s nothing else you can do to me, Cold and Evil. Go tell your little brat pack that today. Something’s going to trigger my memory and when it does, I’m going to kill him with my bare hands.” “I’ll kill him with my bare hands.” His eyes flash.

I lean over to him, keeping my voice low. “I mean it. Say her name again and I’ll fucking hurt you.”

“Every day I’d get a little braver and barely touch my pencil to your shoulder, your arm. I was afraid to want you, then hurt you—”

“Technically, it was my turn. Truth or dare?” “Dare,” I whisper. “You take my clothes off.” He swallows thickly and stands up from the bed, his chest rising rapidly.

“Are you sure, Tulip? Are you? Because I want you, but I don’t want to scare you or make you feel like you have to be physical with me. We can cuddle. We can crawl up in your bed and watch those goofy Star Wars movies while I play with your hair.”

“I want to know everything about you. What you eat, except for tomatoes, God, I hate those, what you dream about, what songs you listen to, what makes you laugh, what makes you happy, how you feel when I fuck you. I want you breathing for me. I want you begging me for more of this. I want you kissing me, just me. I want you, Tulip, you, you, you, you…”

“Stay with me. I’m giving you my heart. I’m giving you everything.”

“Don’t make it hard on me, please. Just, someday in the future, find me. Just find me and come up to me and tell me you still love me and want me and can’t live without me in your arms—”

He tips the beer up. Takes a long swig. “Nah. I’m saving myself for someone. Have been for a while.”

Wanted to save up some money—for a girl.”

“Lee Knox Grayson, I love you till the end of time. I never stopped. I never gave up. You’re my destiny. I’m yours. The universe fucking owes me, you feel me?”