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This was my freaking body and I loved the shit out of it. And if I kept telling myself that, maybe one day I’d believe it.
but that’s not to say I didn’t appreciate Jules’ quiet beauty. The kind you found yourself sneaking a glance of when she smiled because it was so completely pure and unworried about being anything other than real.
“If there’s anyone who should feel self-conscious, it’s all those other chicks who’ve got absolutely nothing on you in the breast department. KFC is going to burst in here and haul you away.”
“Don’t ever let anyone else make you feel like you’re not awesome.”
In a matter of days, Jules had gone from someone I looked forward to seeing every day, to someone I needed to see. I needed to make her laugh and make sure she was okay. And I wanted her to want that of me too.
Standing on the sidelines watching her and being able to go over and lay a kiss on her in front of everyone. Seeing her looking up at me with a smile that was just for me. Feeling her nestled up against me with my arm around her waist so everyone would know that she was my woman and I was her man.
“Your lips make me forget about everything else. They make me forget about losing, about the hundred people in the hallway beside us, about anything not centered on this mouth. How’d you get so fucking sweet, Jules?” I
Damn, I needed to touch her. I needed to touch her more than I needed my next breath. I needed to touch her to make sure this wasn’t all a dream and the beautiful sight in front of me didn’t disappear before I could. She was so gorgeous it hurt not to touch her.
I couldn’t hold back my smile. How had I ever not seen how brave she was? How indescribably beautiful?
Last night had been blow-the-back-of-my-head-off amazing. She was an indescribable kind of perfect for me. The kind that made my heart ache that I’d only just found her and was ready to get down on my knees so I didn’t have to wait another day without knowing her beauty.
Everything about her made me want to never let her go. She was the kind of woman I’d dreamed of one day being at my side. Beautiful. So warm and caring, and with a hint of a potty mouth. I could imagine coming back from practices or away games to a house filled with smells that made my mouth water—and Jules standing in the kitchen with a body that did the same.
This was a perfect moment, the kind they make slow motion in a movie so you get every excruciating detail of the action. Her beauty was heart-stopping. The kind where you know someone inside and out, and everything about them only takes what you already liked to the next level. She was the kind of girl you didn’t come back from. The kind who’d always have a place in your heart to keep you warm on those nights alone long after she’d kicked you to the curb because she deserved better than you.
with my arms wrapped around her, I felt safe, and the closest I’d ever come to having a home.
She was the most beautiful thing in the world to me and it scared me more than losing the next game or not making the draft. Because I’d never had anything as beautiful as her in my life. And that made it so much harder.
Behind these curtains and in these walls, everything else faded away and the voices in my head—the ones that had been there for so long I wasn’t sure if they were my own words or not—weren’t nearly as loud. “That
The flakes clung to her eyelashes under her glasses, and the sight left me breathless. Another piece of my heart mailed to her in that second in a signed, sealed, and delivered envelope. I could imagine her doing the same thing with two little kids at her side, a boy and a girl that both looked just like her.
I saw a home with her in our future. The complete picture. There wasn’t anyone more perfect for me than her. And I’d spend as long as I needed to make her believe it was true.
“How many times do I have to tell you, Jules. I’m into you. Whether it’s in letter form, cookie form, pole dancing form, sitting in your sweats on the couch watching TV form, or any other way you want to show me what you’re all about, I’m here for it. I’m here for you.”
And then the door slammed. Silence. Ringing so loudly in my ears I couldn’t think straight. Her smile. The way she rested her head on my back and trailed her fingers down my sides. The way I held her in my arms and rested my cheek against hers. The nervous way she pushed up her glasses right before I took a bite of something new she’d made.
All gone. Wiped away.
“Sometimes you have to think about yourself and put yourself first. I learned that lesson the hard way. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time and give and give until there’s nothing left of you.
I’d held her in my arms, brushed away her tears and found myself in her. I’d had a home, something I’d longed for since I could remember, and I’d thrown it away.
“I feel like someone’s run over my heart with a tire made of cleats. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and looking out the window at your room and I want to be in there with you. I want to be holding you and rubbing that spot on your nose with the freckle cluster that kind of looks like a tiny strawberry.”
I miss you, Frenchie. I miss you so much that even with all the people I’ve lost in my life, it’s you who keeps me up at night because you’re part of my heart. You’re part of my soul
I love you so much that my future that was once so crystal clear is a wasteland stretching on as far as I can see when I try to picture it now without you.”
everything else falls away when I’m with you, and I don’t ever want to lose that.”
Her eyes glittered with unshed tears and she was fighting to be strong for me. Had there ever been anyone luckier than me? Had anyone been as loved?
Stitched, healed and smoothed, my heart belonged to her. Without a word from me, she knew that deep down thing I longed to hear. She took what I longed to hear and put it out into the world to show the truth of everything I’d always doubted.
She was made for me, and I’d spend the rest of my life giving her every beautiful thing she deserved—starting with my love.
