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This was my freaking body and I loved the shit out of it. And if I kept telling myself that, maybe one day I’d believe it.
I grabbed a twizzler from my stash on the counter. Food always comforted me. If I could fill my stomach, then everything would be okay. That’s what happened when you didn’t grow up with much of it.
“I’m always up for a bigger TV.” LJ sat on the couch beside Marisa. “Do you have ‘upgrade the TV’ money?” Marisa crossed her arms over her chest. “Gee, thanks for asking, Mom.” “Can you two cut down on the foreplay for five minutes?” I took another bite of my strawberry-flavored snack and wedged myself between them like a parent separating their two bickering kids. Only these two weren’t siblings or children and they wanted to bang. They hadn’t come to terms with that yet, but it was only a matter of time.
“He deserves to know you’re The Letter Girl. And you two are friends now. Tell him. He’ll be so happy.” “More like crushingly disappointed.” She grabbed onto both of my shoulders and stared into my eyes. “Jules, you’ve got to stop. No one would ever be disappointed in having a sexpot, pole-dancing baker as their secret sex pen pal.”
“I need to step up my game. Are you willing to be a taste tester? I’ve got some dough chilling in the fridge.” “I’d taste your dough any day of the week, Jules.” His words rolled down my skin like chocolate syrup. He was way too good at the flirting. Way too good. It almost made me feel like I was special.
“Sure, you can let go of Jules. My date.” “Jules?! Her name is Julia,” Chet snapped. “My mistake, I just go with what I call her in bed at night.”
Beside him, I did feel like he was ready to take on the world on my behalf. My very own knight in shining armor even if it was only for two days and even if he was just pretending to be with me. I could pretend with the best of them.
She was wiped off the radar before I met her with a glare from Nix and a promise of retribution if I screwed up what he had with Elle in any way, shape, or form, but that’s not to say I didn’t appreciate Jules’ quiet beauty. The kind you found yourself sneaking a glance of when she smiled because it was so completely pure and unworried about being anything other than real.
Who in the hell knew she was hiding all that under those clothes? I was five seconds away from going full wolf-whistle-in-a-nightclub cartoon parody over here.
Ducking her head, she tried to run away. “It looks terrible.” I rushed after her and caught her elbow. My fingers wrapping around the soft fabric protecting her smooth skin from my touch, an electric spark licking its way up my arm. “You don’t need to change.” I squeezed my lips together, so I didn’t bite my bottom one. “You caught me off guard. The dress looks great on you. I just never realized you were hiding those.” I nodded toward the cleavage Valhalla peeking out from under her hands.
“If there’s anyone who should feel self-conscious, it’s all those other chicks who’ve got absolutely nothing on you in the breast department. KFC is going to burst in here and haul you away.”
I held his gaze. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked ready to take on whatever had upset me. If I hadn’t already been falling for him, I was a half-step away. No one had ever looked at me like that before.
“Don’t ever let anyone else make you feel like you’re not awesome.”
In a matter of days, Jules had gone from someone I looked forward to seeing every day, to someone I needed to see. I needed to make her laugh and make sure she was okay. And I wanted her to want that of me too.
“He’s my friend.” “Not from the way he’s checking out your ass, he isn’t.” She lifted an eyebrow with a wide smile.
The only thing that could possibly taste better than this frosting would be Jules’ lips.
“Your lips make me forget about everything else. They make me forget about losing, about the hundred people in the hallway beside us, about anything not centered on this mouth. How’d you get so fucking sweet, Jules?”
He was kissing me like this was the main event and I was the center of his world.
All those times I’d seen her in her room through the shades and I’d thought it was just her dancing. She was dancing, alright. On a freaking pole. And I wasn’t going to miss this next performance for the world.
She was an indescribable kind of perfect for me. The kind that made my heart ache that I’d only just found her and was ready to get down on my knees so I didn’t have to wait another day without knowing her beauty.
Her beauty was heart-stopping. The kind where you know someone inside and out, and everything about them only takes what you already liked to the next level. She was the kind of girl you didn’t come back from. The kind who’d always have a place in your heart to keep you warm on those nights alone long after she’d kicked you to the curb because she deserved better than you.
In my room, I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling and thinking of only one thing. Jules. She’d worn a skirt. I wanted another taste of her. I wanted those soft and supple legs wrapped around my waist. How running my hands along her skin made my heart race like I was going for the world record in the hundred-yard dash. How she looked at me and saw so much of me I never let anyone else see. How with my arms wrapped around her, I felt safe, and the closest I’d ever come to having a home. She was the most beautiful thing in the world to me and it scared me more than losing the next game or not
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She rubbed her chin and tapped a finger against her lips. “I made a few of them with extra large holes in the center. How would you feel about a donut blow job?” I swerved into the other lane.
She was the sexiest woman in the world, and she was all freaking mine.
I loved her. And it would only be a matter of time before I lost her.
“Jules, I’m crazy about you.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I needed you to know that. And… I know I promised I wasn’t going to say anything to send you screaming from the room, but I want to be completely honest with you. I love you.” I gasped and his letters fell from my fingertips, dancing their way to the ground through the thick air laced with hope and possibilities between us. “And I needed to say that. If you’re going to walk away from me, I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us. I’m head over heels in love with you. Hell, I even felt like I was cheating on The Letter Girl with
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“How many times do I have to tell you, Jules. I’m into you. Whether it’s in letter form, cookie form, pole dancing form, sitting in your sweats on the couch watching TV form, or any other way you want to show me what you’re all about, I’m here for it. I’m here for you.”
I’d held her in my arms, brushed away her tears and found myself in her. I’d had a home, something I’d longed for since I could remember, and I’d thrown it away.
“I feel like someone’s run over my heart with a tire made of cleats. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and looking out the window at your room and I want to be in there with you. I want to be holding you and rubbing that spot on your nose with the freckle cluster that kind of looks like a tiny strawberry.” She lifted her hand and rubbed it along the bridge of her nose. “And I want to call you, or even write you letters, because I miss you, Frenchie. I miss you so much that even with all the people I’ve lost in my life, it’s you who keeps me up at night because you’re part of my
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“And you were never the third best thing in my life, Jules. Never. I’d never play a game again, if it meant I could be here with you.”
forehead. “You’re loved Berk. More than you could ever know. Your mom loved you. The guys love you. Alexis loves you. I love you.” Tears brimmed in her eyes. “And that will never change.
Jules came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “What’s up?” I ran my arms over hers, letting her squeeze me tight. The weight of her embrace blanketed me in a love I’d never thought I’d find. I pulled her around to my front and clasped my hands at the small of her back. “Nothing’s up. Just taking it all in.” She turned her head to the side, looking at our ragtag group of friends. “It’s a good day, isn’t it?” Even with everything I’d been through today and the emotional nosedive I’d taken visiting my mom’s grave, she was right. I hugged her tighter to me and kissed her temple
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Every day with her was an adventure in what it felt like to be so loved it was like living in a dream. She was my dream girl, and no matter what, we’d have our dream life filled with all the love we’d been searching for all our lives and could finally share with one another.
Stitched, healed and smoothed, my heart belonged to her. Without a word from me, she knew that deep down thing I longed to hear. She took what I longed to hear and put it out into the world to show the truth of everything I’d always doubted.
She was made for me, and I’d spend the rest of my life giving her every beautiful thing she deserved—starting with my love.
