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This was my freaking body and I loved the shit out of it. And if I kept telling myself that, maybe one day I’d believe it.
Jules rubbed her thumb along her bottom lip. Did it taste like sugar? I dropped my gaze from her lips. Don’t go there, man. Jules was awesome, but I wasn’t going to be distracted from my search.
If you only knew
But even after all these years, I’d never been invited back to Barry and Patty’s house. Not for a single holiday. Not after what they thought I’d done. Maybe it wasn’t worth their time for the kid they saw as throwing their generosity back in their faces. I wasn’t bitter about it anymore—at least I tried not to be.
Bet you the kid did it he took the fall
It didn’t make sense why Jules hadn’t wanted to come this weekend. Her sister’s friends were asshole-ish. Her sister and mom were… interesting, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Maybe Jules was one of those people who didn’t know how lucky they were to have a parent around. But Jules had never been a diva or ever talked badly about anyone, not even her asshole landlord who’d nearly turned her house into a deathtrap. If I was missing something, I couldn’t see it.
I wish you did
I was a great stand-in. Someone fun to hang with, but not anyone she was interested in for more than that.
The bullshit we overthinkers feed ourselves because of our own issues
What else was there to discover about Jules? I wanted to write the encyclopedia.
“That can be arranged, especially if you keep promising me after-game treats. Consolation or celebration, I’m up for them anytime.” Her laugh came out as a tight stutter. “That could be interpreted as a little dirty.” I’d hire a damn skywriter if that’s what it took. “If it still needs interpretation, maybe I should be a bit clearer.” I ran my finger under her chin. Her gaze lifted away from the box to meet mine. “Clearer?”
He was sweaty. He smelled like intensity and determination all rolled up into one, and I wanted to climb him like a tree.
Criticism, I could stand there and take. It had taken years of training, but I was generally good at not letting whoever it was see me flinch. But compliments made me want to run away or dodge them like bullets in the Matrix. Maybe it was a fear that one day all those good things anyone said about me would be gone in a snap.
“Why are they picking on her? She’s fucking gorgeous. She’s everything anyone could ever want in a girlfriend. Why do they even care?” “It’s juicy gossip. Her letter wasn’t exactly PG, more like XXX. How’d they even get it?” “No idea.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “For a while I was carrying them with me everywhere. One of them could’ve fallen out of my bag.”
The sister
She’s my sister and she wouldn’t do that to me. Besides, she’s never even seen Jules’ writing. She wouldn’t hurt me like this.” I
Yeah she has
“I love you so much and it scared me that one day, after people kept saying the things they were saying online about me, that maybe one day…” I slammed my lips together. They quivered and I sucked in a deep breath. “That maybe one day you’d start believing them.”
She actually liked what I was doing? In all the years I’d baked, she’d never even tried anything I’d made, as far as I could tell. But she’d watched my videos. Emotions welled up inside of me, a longing for the kind of closeness I’d always wanted with her. But the cautious side of me reined them in. I’d had my hopes kicked like a puppy by her once already, but she looked so sincere.
Did I want to lose weight and be able to squeeze into clothes I could buy in any store, even those places Laura and Mom visited regularly? Sure. Would I ever be one of those girls? Who the hell knew? But I deserved to be happy just as I was, regardless of size, and I deserved the love of someone like Berk. And I wasn’t going to let my doubts about my self-worth get in the way of that anymore.
“Sometimes you have to think about yourself and put yourself first. I learned that lesson the hard way. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time and give and give until there’s nothing left of you.
You can show people all you want, but that doesn’t mean you can make them see.”
“I know that—now. But just because someone’s your family, that doesn’t mean you can keep hurting them over and over again and get away with it. He has every right to cut me out of his life. It’s what I deserve.”
I want you to know, Alexis is family, but you’re my forever.
“Plus, she said you needed us. All you ever have to do is ask and we’ll be here.” “We thought you knew that by now.” LJ came up and gave me a hug. “I do, but everyone needs a reminder sometimes.”
Some things are left better to the imagination. Not this.
