Release (Release #1)

by Aly Martinez

I didn’t need him in order to breathe. I didn’t need him in order to smile. I didn’t need him in order to be happy. But under those parameters, I didn’t exactly need my left arm, either. I wanted him beside me every morning as the first ray of the sun warmed my skin. I wanted his contagious laugh echoing in my car as we drove out to the hayfield—sometimes to make out, sometimes to sit in unbelievably comfortable silence together. I wanted to travel the world with him before settling down to have a family the way we had always planned. Bits and pieces of Ramsey were intertwined in everything I’d ever wanted in life. He was my family. My best friend. The yin to my yang. The heart to my beat.

“Listen up, Ramsey. One of these days, I’m going to get this cast off. I may look small, but I’m quiet, and I’m fast, and I know where you live. You call me Gimpy, Peg Leg, or the name of any pirate who ever lived and I will tie you up, bury you in the ditch by the old mill, and then help people search for you across town. Got it?” That should have been the end of it. Ya know, if I’d been talking to a sane individual with a healthy respect for his own life. But not this kid. Not freaking Ramsey Stewart. He aimed his smile at his shoes and rocked onto his toes. “Jeez, Thea. Are you flirting with me? I’m not really looking for a girlfriend, but you seem cool, I guess.”

If looks could kill, Ramsey would have been on his ninth life for the day. Fortunately for him, and really unfortunately for me, he was wearing a force field that made him immune to my rage. I hated him, but I wished I knew where to get one of those force fields too.

I didn’t know it then, but that day, Ramsey Stewart saved my life. And six years later, I’d repay him by ruining his.

That was exactly how I lived my life, showing the world a pretty exterior to hide the disaster on the inside.

I’d often wished we had a cool story about when our relationship transitioned from that of tolerating each other to discovering we were two halves of one soul. But the truth is Thea and I evolved much like the seasons: slow, steady, and unstoppable.

I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else with Thea, because in some twisted way, I was exactly who she needed me to be.

However, in that tree, suffering alone and also together, I fell in love with her like the stars falling from the sky.

we would later learn that finding unconditional understanding in another human being was more extraordinary and romantic than any love story.

“I can’t do this without you.” “Do what?” He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “Breathe.”

“Because when I was ten years old, I met a boy. I hated him. But I needed him like my veins needed blood. He broke my leg. He broke my patience. And eventually he broke my heart. But there hasn’t been a minute that’s passed that I haven’t loved him with every single broken shard.”

“There was never a day when I didn’t want you to be mine, Sparrow. I just loved you enough to hope you wouldn’t have to be.”

But I don’t know how to stop loving you, Thea. I’ve tried. And tried. But here we are. Fucked up and in love.”

I choose you, Thea. I choose us. I promise. I have absolutely nothing to offer you but headaches and stress, but if you keep me, I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life providing you with love and Tylenol.”

“Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned in order to live the one you’re given.