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“The problem is that the guy in question is not my type, to put it mildly. An All-American good boy. Warm, gooey, everyone loves him. He’s the human equivalent of a grilled cheese sandwich.”
My broken mind went silent, all thought and memory erased until there was nothing left in the world but him.
“Have you ever been in love, James?” “Yes, sir.” “What’s it like?” “The sweetest agony. A torture from which you never want to escape.” “Sounds terrible.”
“É fácil amar você, meu doce menino. Mas você tem que se deixar ser amado.”
“I never told him,” I said in a broken whisper. “He told me he loved me, and I never said it back. Not where he could hear it.” “Go to wherever he is, and you just say it.” “Because it’s that easy.” “No, it’s scary as shit,” Silas said. “But damn, Holden. Think of what could be waiting for you on the other side.”
“Thank you for loving me when I didn’t.”
My first novel won the National Book Award and it’s nothing compared to this moment. He puts his arms around me stiffly and just before he can pull away, I hug him back. Our stiffness melts and he holds me close; I smell Old Spice and cigars, aftershave and fabric softener. He smells like a dad and tears threaten.
