All I Want Is A Kiss

by Willow Winters

Change can be unwanted, and even scary at times. But, like I tell each and every one of them, change is necessary. If you want to be at a level you’ve never been to before, you need to do something you’ve never done before.

I hate that I have to answer her the way I do, “No,” I tell her. I bet she thinks she’s gotten away with hiding her disappointment, but I see it. “That’s alright,” she tells me, even though I know she feels that same ache in her chest I do at the thought of not having another night like this planned. She can’t say goodbye so easily.

I keep thinking, it was too good to last. Wasn’t it? It was so easy and natural. Everything always fell into place with Nick… I should have known better than to think it would last or become anything more. Fuck, it hurts. It’s not supposed to hurt, when you keep yourself at a distance and make sure the relationship is casual. It’s not supposed to hurt when it ends. But I’ll be damned if that’s not exactly what I’m feeling right now.

Oh my God, he’s here. My heart does that fluttering thing my stomach was doing only days ago. Sitting on the footsteps to my front porch, his large frame taking up the small threshold. I can’t think straight, let alone breathe. He’s right here. Waiting for me.

“I have to know, do you want me, Olivia? Do you want more?” Her bottom lip falls open and her hazel eyes widen with surprise. I can’t bare for her to answer me without telling her everything, without giving this the best shot I can give it.

“Because I want you. I want all of you. I love our stolen nights and I’ll do everything I can to keep giving them to you, but I need more.” A quick intake and a single step forward, closing the distance between us is all that pauses the confession I’ve been working over in my head all week. “I want to be with you, really be with you. Every day and always. Not just a secret rendezvous. I want it all. The picket fence, kids, I want it all… with you. And only you.”

I’m nervous and I’m terrified. Terrified that she doesn’t want this. It will destroy me if she says no. She’s all I want and all I’ve wanted since I first laid eyes on her.

The silence is awful. It rips at me from the inside as I wait for her to say something. Every deep breath she takes I prepare for her to tell me no.

“You asked me what I want for Christmas. At the hotel, you asked me and I lied to you,” her voice is soft and riddled with emotion but I can’t decipher it. I need an answer.

“I lied. I lied to you,” her voice cracks and it echoes the feeling in my heart. “I want so much more than a kiss. All I want for Christmas, is you.”

“Just say the word, and I’ll move here. I’m ready to be with you, Olivia, I don’t think I can fathom not being able to see you again.”

Thank fuck. I can’t describe the relief, immediate and all consuming. With one arm scooping around the small of her back and the other spearing into her hair, I kiss her, the woman I love, with everything I have.

“I’ve never been the girl for fairytales, but I want a happily ever after with you.”

“You can say it again,” she tells me. “Tell me you love me again.” “I love you Olivia. I want to love you forever.” “I love you too.”