All I Want Is A Kiss

by Willow Winters

I swear my body can recognize his in a crowd a mile away. I’m simply drawn to him.

Pouty red lips. Check. Sultry red dress. Check check. Man I’ve been dreaming about for days? Nowhere in sight.

Disappointment lingers, he knows I’m here for the conference and every time I come to the East Coast, we meet up. Every single time. One to two times a month for nearly two years now. He’s not my boyfriend; and I don’t want him to be. We want different things in life and we live on opposite sides of the country. There’s an unspoken commitment though. I’m the only one he sees, and he’s the only one I see. It’s casual and low maintenance.

Change can be unwanted, and even scary at times. But, like I tell each and every one of them, change is necessary. If you want to be at a level you’ve never been to before, you need to do something you’ve never done before.

Instead, I stick with something simple for an excuse as to why there’s no ring on my finger: I’m a workaholic and my expectations are unreasonable.

Nick is her brother.

Pfftt haha bruh

So long as I have sexy panties and a pedicure, I’m convinced I can conquer the world.

“Your star crossed lover is here.”

And that’s all he said: Meet you at the bar. He gave the command and I obliged. I don’t remember being this needy ever before. But then again, I can’t remember ever waiting on him. This time feels different. And I don’t like it.

“Did you wear red for me?”

“Is that what this is? I’m your dirty little secret?”

“All I want tonight is a kiss. Is that too much for a girl to ask?”

If only I wasn’t afraid of losing this, these moments of inhibition with this captivating woman, I’d tell her right now what’s happening. I’d tell her everything’s changed and lay it out for her to accept or to walk away.

I get it. I more than get it. I love it. Which is why I’m not ready for change, but something had to give. I live for these moments with her, after tonight, it’ll never be the same again.

From the first time, a drunken night with a goodnight kiss turned into more, to two weeks ago, it only gets better with Olivia. She leaves me wanting more.

The mountain range behind her, the bright moon that filters into the room against the plush white comforter. And in front of it all, a beautiful woman who wants me as badly as I want her, slowly but surely, unstrapping her bra and letting it fall to the floor.

“Fine, all I want is a kiss.”

“It’s never goodbye. Only until next time.”

Fuck, it hurts. It’s not supposed to hurt, when you keep yourself at a distance and make sure the relationship is casual. It’s not supposed to hurt when it ends. But I’ll be damned if that’s not exactly what I’m feeling right now.

Oh my God, he’s here. My heart does that fluttering thing my stomach was doing only days ago. Sitting on the footsteps to my front porch, his large frame taking up the small threshold. I can’t think straight, let alone breathe. He’s right here. Waiting for me.

“I have to know, do you want me, Olivia? Do you want more?”

“Because I want you. I want all of you. I love our stolen nights and I’ll do everything I can to keep giving them to you, but I need more.”

“I want to be with you, really be with you. Every day and always. Not just a secret rendezvous. I want it all. The picket fence, kids, I want it all… with you. And only you.”

“That’s a yes? You want this? You want me?” “All of you.” She nods, quickly and vigorously. Tears make her hazel eyes glassy. “I want all of you too.” Thank fuck.

“Yeah, and if we need more time, I’ll make it. I want us. More than anything, I know I need you.”

“I’ve never been the girl for fairytales, but I want a happily ever after with you.”