The central relational paradox, a concept developed by the noted psychiatrist Jean Baker Miller, is simple but profound: we all want close, intimate relationships. That means we need people to like us. The problem is, we worry that they won’t like all of us, so we hide the parts we consider bad or just different. When our true selves are hidden, other people find it very difficult to connect with us. They can tell we’re closed off, and they don’t feel safe opening up to us. Therefore—cue the paradox—we end up without any close, intimate relationships. See the problem?
