You Deserve Each Other

by Sarah Hogle

“Everyone knows it’s usually the bride’s parents who pay for everything, so we’re lucky Mom and Dad have been so helpful.”

sorry but the minute someone talks to me like this i will be landed in jail for homicide

We have joint checking and savings accounts. Our phones are on the same plan. Both of our names are on the lease, and it stands to reason that whoever bails forfeits the house.

SORRY BUT SINCERELY DRIVES ME NUTS THAT PEOPLE ARE DOIN THIS SHIT IRL _B E F O R E_ MARRIAGE

Nicholas doesn’t like bangs? Fantastic. I don’t like Nicholas.

i fear this is me to a T

“It’d be nice if you treated me like you treat your mom,”

AS YOU SHOULD GIRL

I looked it up once to make sure it was a typo but never pointed it out to Mr. and Mrs. Rose because I don’t want them getting a new one with the correct quote. I derive vicious pleasure from knowing their plaque is wrong.

again, a girl after my own heart

“How about you go iron your socks like a complete psychopath?

But like are people really doing this

I am learning at this very moment in time that tormented English literature professor who’s just hit rock bottom is my specific type.

its been mine

It hits me that he probably slept downstairs so that his coughing wouldn’t wake me up, and my heart makes a little tick, rolling over.

someone sedate me actually

Be back before you know it, pretty girl.”

again someone pls sedate meeee