Where'd You Go, Bernadette

by Maria Semple

On another topic, I’m glad to see you’re settled and that your Internet connection is working. Per my last three unanswered emails, Mr. Levy feels it’s imperative that we sit down and have a talk about Kyle. I can work around your schedule.

Branch looks offended. “It wasn’t that funny.”

How about you don’t? Thanks, though!

Yes, you heard me. If I didn’t like that woman before, I really didn’t like her now that I was pregnant with her husband’s baby!

(This is why you must love life: one day you’re offering up your social security number to the Russian Mafia; two weeks later you’re using the word calve as a verb.)

Every single iceberg filled me with feelings of sadness and wonder. Not thoughts of sadness and wonder, mind you, because thoughts require a thinker, and my head was a balloon, incapable of thoughts.

I’m more of a creative problem solver with good taste and a soft spot for logistical nightmares.