Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting

by Kyl Myers

The goal is not to eliminate gender—the goal is to eliminate gender-based discrimination, disparities, and violence. My aim isn’t to create a genderless world; it’s to contribute to a genderfull one. For

The possibility of Zoomer being transgender or nonbinary is certainly a part of why I treat them as a child, rather than a boy or girl. I believe Zoomer’s gender identity is up to Zoomer to decide, not me.

I was frustrated when I learned about stereotype threat, which means that even being aware of a negative stereotype about a group you belong to can negatively affect your ability to perform. When girls are aware of the stereotype that boys are better at math than girls, girls perform more poorly on a math test if they are reminded of the stereotype beforehand.

Some boys may give zero shits about sports and be more interested in art or baking or fashion—and some boys may love sports and cosmetics. We have to stop putting kids in categories of interest before we understand their actual interests.

These lessons have been consistent but rudimentary. Now that Zoomer is getting older, these teachings will also become more advanced. I want Zoomer to understand that these principles that I have been trying to instill in their life are tools for dismantling the patriarchy, White supremacy, classism, and ableism; for celebrating diversity and being inclusive and welcoming; for normalizing consent and autonomy; and for challenging systemic inequities and oppression.