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Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting

4.18  ·  Rating details ·  317 ratings  ·  75 reviews

“What did you have? A boy or a girl?” Kyl and Brent imagined it would be years before their child would identify with a gender. Until then…

As a first-time parent, Kyl Myers had one aspect dialed in from the start: not being beholden to the boy-girl binary, disparities, or stereotypes from the day a child is born. With no wish to eliminate gender but rather gender discr

Kindle Edition, 237 pages
Published September 8th 2020 by TOPPLE Books & Little A
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Average rating 4.18  · 
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Aug 16, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: not-cis-authors
In Raising Them, sociologist Kyl Myers shares how they and their husband Brent are raising their first child, Zoomer, without gender boundaries; with complete freedom to determine their own gender. Zoomer is still quite young, so the book doesn't go beyond the preschool years. And although this is a memoir, not a how-to book, Myers is clear and detailed about the thought processes that led to each decision they made along the way. Myers argues that working toward gender equality must start in ch ...more
Oct 20, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I read this book because I'm considering raising kids without assigning them a gender. I knew going into it that this was a memoir and not a how-to guide, but let me warn you: if you are part of, or closely connected to, the queer and trans communities and/or have a full grasp on the gender spectrum, differences between sex and gender, and understand that there are lots of ways to have a family outside of man-woman-and-marriage-sex, you probably won’t learn much from this book. I’m glad that it ...more
May 13, 2021 rated it liked it
I was really looking forward to reading this book. As a nonbinary trans guy considering to raise my kids one day without assigning them a gender I really wanted to hear about the ways this could pan out in the current society that we live in.

I must say, I was a little disappointed in the book.
I want to start with the positives though: Kyl seems like a very caring parent and I like how personal this book is. This is not a guide or how-to, this is a memoir, and I appreciate that. I will probably r
Erica B (ricci.reads)
Feb 23, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
~ARC received in exchange for an honest review~

'Raising Them' written by Kyl Myers, PhD is a memoir portraying her families venture into 'gender-creative' parenting - a term that is new to me but is a welcome alternative to the term 'gender-neutral' which I've always felt is a bit 'meh' and doesn't really do a great job representing the idea of allowing children freedom and a safe environment to explore all that life has to offer, rather than be limited in their life experience by their anatomy.
Jun 19, 2020 rated it liked it
***Thanks to NetGalley for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest review***

Dr. Kyl Myers was raised fairly sheltered within the Mormon community, but grows increasingly more interested in learning about the larger world as she continues her education. As part of this awakening, she becomes interested in gender creative parenting, in which parents do not assign a gender to their child(ren) and instead, wait to be informed by them when they are old enough to do so. Myers becomes an advocate and role
May 26, 2020 rated it it was amazing
First and foremost I would like to thank NetGalley for granting me the privilege of reading this amazing book (that the people around me will have to hear about for quite some time to come). It wholeheartedly deserves the five stars I'm giving it and I'm very happy to see that other people on the internet seem to agree with me.

As Myers mentions it themselves at the beginning of this book: "This book is for people who are passionate about queering parenting." After finishing this book I fully agr
Ser Chappers
Feb 05, 2021 rated it did not like it
I thought I would enjoy this book, but I did not. I am raising my children in an equal household with a co-parent and an aggressive rejection of gender stereotypes; as such, I agree with a lot of positions in this book (most notably that gender stereotypes are damaging, calling little children boyfriend & girlfriend is super creepy, and boys’ clothes are dull), but I found the writing verbose, superficial, and trite, with an overarching impression that the writer has an insufferable opinion of h ...more
Rhianon Thomas
Jan 17, 2021 rated it it was amazing
A beautifully written book. Gender creative parenting was a concept I knew little about but one as someone who identifies outside of the binary, that I was interested in. I’d only ever seen negative media articles or interviews regarding the topic and it was so refreshing to find this book.
Oct 29, 2020 rated it really liked it
I received a free copy through a Goodreads giveaway. The book provided good food for thought about how we (mainstream American culture, at least) gender childhood. Some sweet insight into Kyl and partner Brent’s life with Zoomer, who sounds like a great little kid.
Aug 25, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc-s, net-galley
*I received this book from NetGalley in return for a honest review*

This book made me think a lot; about gender, about how we look at boys and girls different from the moment that they are born, and about how I want to raise my future children.

This book is the story of Kyl and Brent as they decided to raise their child gender neutral. This meant that no one besides doctors and those taking care of Zoomer new the biological sex of their child, they reject all labels of gender, and are waiting for
Apr 28, 2020 rated it really liked it
I requested this book on NetGalley because I was curious. Raising a child without gender until they choose - my first thought was ‘how cool!’ which was followed quickly by a resounding ‘sounds really hard, though.’ Kyl is a wonderful story teller and sounds like a wonderful mom.

(Note: ‘they’ is the pronoun used for Kyl in the ‘About the author’ section, so that’s what I will use.)

They were not preachy or judgmental at all in their choice to be a gender creative parent. When their sister worried
Oct 26, 2020 rated it liked it
This book had me feeling all over the place, but it is for the most part very informative. If you're someone that's already deeply entrenched in the matter gender creative parenting- or more broadly, gender stereotypes and the damage they do- then you might not get a TON of new information, but Raising Them is still peppered with interesting statistics and topics that still managed to surprise me. However, there was one thing that made this book slightly difficult (but not impossible) to get thr ...more
Apr 20, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Kyl Myers is a marvel. Their writing style is witty, self-aware, and honest. Kyl writes of their family’s adventure as they raise their child outside of the constraints an assigned gender would bring, and in the process, we get to know their sweet kiddo, Zoomer. There’s a chapter for everything - hair styles! clothing! extended family! travel! - and the book is positive and playful as it translates gender topics often made inaccessible by lofty language. Kyl fills their book with humour, kindnes ...more
Feb 26, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting is a memoir about Kyl and Brent who are raising their child Zoomer using Gender Creative Parenting. This means that they do not assign a gender to their child rather they let their child live life as a kid and explore the world without any gender stereotypes.

I have followed Zoomer's story on instagram and I loved getting a deeper look into their family. Hearing how they navigated this world with their own family, friends, and out on their
Sep 27, 2020 rated it it was amazing
The efforts and support placed to bring up Zoomer is just amazing. I love how Zoomer was given more opportunity to make decisions for themselves even for tasks as simple as choosing the color of balloons. I switched in between the audio book and eBook depending on what I was doing. Tbh, I enjoyed the audio book more. Kyl was great in narrating her book. It was light, funny and mind opening. This book added a lot of insights on creative parenting as well as the stereotypical lifestyle that we unc ...more
Sep 09, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
RAISING THEM is a profoundly beautiful, real, inspiring, thought-provoking read that turned my perception of the outdated concept of gender binary on its head and left me thinking about it long after I finished the book.

Part autobiographical memoir, part invaluable parenting resource, Kyl Myers has created a work that could utterly transform the lives of families today and generations to come. This book opened my eyes to the deepest, most toxic layers of societal “gender norms” and the impact t
Oct 23, 2020 rated it liked it
Raising Them was a fascinating book about parents who chose not to assign a gender to their child at birth. Instead, they are trying their best to raise their child outside of the constraints of gender stereotypes and will let their child make the decision on what gender they identify with as they grow up.

The big take away I got from this book was really thinking about and identifying gender stereotypes that we all face on a daily basis and the harm they can cause. This book lead to my own inte
Mar 19, 2021 rated it liked it
Borrowed this book from a friend.

I really liked this book - the pacing was good, as was the writing. I learned a lot about gender creative parenting (which I'd never considered before). Though not a parent myself, you can tell that little Zoomer is so blessed to have a loving mother and father, and that they are loved unconditionally.

I will now consciously NOT ask a pregnant person what they are having (who cares, happy and healthy is all that matters), or coo at a baby in a stroller with some l
Sep 09, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This story is the beginning of a beautiful conversation of inclusion, love, and growth (sometimes as you go). I learnt new ways in which I can discuss gender and its multifaceted components with others, strangers even. I laughed quite a bit and cried happy, hopeful tears. What a gift this book will be to many individuals looking to feel the love of those happy, hopeful tears as well. Thank you to Dr. Myers, Brent, and Z for sharing their world with us.
Apr 16, 2021 rated it really liked it
I would rate this a 4.5. It was so eye opening!
Oct 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I stumbled across Kyl’s @raisingzoomer Instagram account a couple of years ago, and really enjoyed following their story of how they were raising Zoomer. Reading Kyl’s book was a great insight to many aspects of gender creative parenting that they didn’t share on their Instagram account or blog. A great read if you’re looking into exploring gender and the stereotypes we create everyday!
May 01, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: readingwomen2020
Book- Raising Them
Author - Kyl Myers
Genre- Memoir
I downloaded the book through @netgalley
My rating -4 ⭐
There can't be a better day than today to write about this book.
Exactly a year back, I started doing #GebderSensitization and #GenderTransformation workshops fir teenagers.
While it's fantastic to celebrate iconic and trail blazer women, I thought it was equally important to discuss why gender inequities exist in the first place.
Tentatively, I embarked on this journey- I was also learning, debat
May 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: netgalley
Prior to reading this book, I had never really thought about gender creative parenting. Maybe I've been stuck in a bubble, but I hadn't even heard of it. When I decided to read this book, I admit I was hesitant. "How could it help me? I have two boys." If you have are in a similar situation, please do not make that stop you from reading this book! There is so much to know and learn and Meyer's presented their thoughts in a cohesive, easy-to-read way.

If you are looking for a 'how-to' guide, this
Jill Elizabeth
Mar 16, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a very interesting memoir, written in a highly engaging style that I found entertaining, informative, and endearing without ever devolving into the saccharine-sweetness that plagues so many positive family memoirs... I wasn't familiar with Zoomer's tale from the Internet - I'm not on Instagram and apparently missed the media circus surrounding their life so far - so came into this one cold. I don't think it helped or hurt my read - the tale was compelling and sweet and poignant all on i ...more
Oct 06, 2020 rated it it was amazing
A myopic account of a gender-obsessed parent making the case for raising children as "thems" to avoid perpetuating the gender hierarchy. What the author presents as a gender-neutral philosophy of parenting is nothing more than what successful parents always practice: promoting the unique individual qualities of their child and instilling a sense of shared humanity. The argument that a parent needs to practice "gender creative parenting techniques" to raise a healthy-minded, confident, socially-r ...more
Meagan Cryer
Apr 28, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Binge read this book in three days. As a fellow exmormon and soon to be gender creative parent I was eager to dive deeper into the story of a family who was already parenting this way. I have followed the family on social media for a few years but there just isn’t the room there to really show every behind the scene decision, discussion and emotion in the journey. This book brings exactly that. The writing style is fun and relatable and nothing is missed. I am desperate now to buy a copy for eac ...more
Feb 27, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed reading this book, but I think anyone going into it looking for a how-to isn't going to find it here. This is definitely one family's experience, more memoir focused than guide focused. The perspective of the author is especially helpful in documenting their experience, providing some context, history, cultural significance, and the details of how her family has navigated gender creative parenting, but in the end I think her unacknowledged privilege was a little distracting for ...more
Jenni Frencham
Nov 17, 2020 rated it liked it
I wanted this book to be more interesting than it was, and I think if the author had waited a few more years to write it, it might have been. As it is, the child was only 3 at the time this book was written, and the first half of the book focuses on the author's childhood, courtship, marriage, etc. Even after the child is born, most of the time they are too little to verbalize anything, really, so there isn't much to tell about their interactions with others. If there's a sequel or an update to ...more
Leilamid Midelfort
Jan 02, 2021 rated it really liked it
Quick and easy read on how we can raise our kids in a gender neutral way. Kyl is a great writer who makes the book entertaining. I just wish the book could’ve been written later in your journey when a child is older. Would love to see how the author deals with challenges as her child goes to elementary, middle and high school. Maybe this these books will be written later on.
Olivia Todd
Sep 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I’m so thankful Kyl gave us a glimpse into their life with Brent and Zoomer! The book told a narrative of their adventures while continually challenging the reader to address their implicit bias and look outside societal gender norms. This book is for anyone and everyone!
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