If I Never Met You
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19%
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Dan used to give her endless mixtapes when they were first going out—it was his kind of courtship.
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Song choices could covertly yet powerfully declare all kinds of things you’d never dare say outright.
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Among Dan’s playlists, there was one made six months ago, called I Wanna Run 2 U.
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The track was called “When Love Takes Over.”
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I know you were messing around with her six months back, I have the proof. I have no idea who you are anymore, and I don’t want to know.
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losing love being like a window into your heart.
21%
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she was good at her job, and it always felt like an absorbing, necessary thing to be doing.
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Laurie was not only talented, she was diligent and never rested on her laurels.
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“You have that rare adaptability,” he’d said at a Christmas do of years past. “You’re able to speak authoritatively in court and yet stay approachable with clients.
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Nor do you let the more ribald of your colleagues get a rise out of you, and without ever stooping to their level. You’re a one-woman master class in how to handle this job.”
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she missed him. Or, a version of him that was now consigned to history.
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“Are you all right, love?” “Yes, thanks. Totally fine.” “But no, are you all right?”
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“Laurie Watkinson’s gone, so why bother? No one else will do”
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Confide in me, I am on your side. “It is what it is,”
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you need to talk, Laurie, we’re here for you.”
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Laurie grinned at her handset. Best friends knew humor was pretty much always welcome and needed.
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Laurie hated how powerless she was, the mask she had to wear that ate her face. Dan had done so much to her, and she could do nothing.
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In times of crisis, you saw the best of people and the worst of people.
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“I suppose sometimes you want what you want,”
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She wasn’t ever going to experience desire again, simple as that.
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She didn’t want him to know she couldn’t cope.
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Laurie never thought of herself as a dependent person, not at all, but it turned out you needed things—or people—you depended on to be taken away from you to judge that.
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She was telling the truth; she wasn’t, to her knowledge, claustrophobic.
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“Breathe,” Jamie said, watching Laurie. “Concentrate on breathing. We’ll be out of here before you know it.”
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Typical lawyers, she thought. We read people constantly. We don’t necessarily care about what we discover, but we read them.
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“You’re telling me. I owe you one.”
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Laurie surprised herself by not only accepting but wanting to.
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What if anyone saw them? Laurie wasn’t worried, despite being recently uncoupled.
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She did like being around people, she realized, just not people she knew and was required to talk to.
28%
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You gave away the things you loved And one of them was me
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She’d lost Dan’s interest, she didn’t know when. She needed to identify the week, the day, the moment. The habits she’d gotten into that must’ve snuffed out his interest bit by bit.
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Now, Dan neither knew nor cared where she was. It was funny being in a raucous barn like this, not psychically tethered to him.
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I’m scheduled to get ‘back out there’ in about 2030, I think.”
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“I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life figuring out what the hell happened.” “He’s not worth that much of your time,”
29%
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“I think whenever they fail, we focus on what specific people did wrong within the system, overlooking the fact that the whole institution’s rotten and dysfunctional.
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It’s usually a fostered dependency on someone you slept with and felt briefly passionate feelings for in your twenties, and you feel guilty moving on once its time has passed.
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Live and let live.”
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“I think long-term relationships are the most potent demonstration of the sunk cost fallacy you’ll ever see,” Jamie said.
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“The definition of sunk cost fallacy is a refusal to change something that makes you unhappy.
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we both go around saying we’ll always care about each other or whatever. A no-fault divorce where we stay best of friends.”
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this was her professional training. Pursuing something until you felt you understood it. You couldn’t advocate for someone without it.
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What could you not do, when you were with Dan, that you wanted to do? Ring the changes. Enjoy your freedoms!”
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She suspected she’d always be part tears now. She had nothing to lose.
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She could be irreverent, confident, and funny. Not simply some wet blanket who had smothered Dan.
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Don’t start to believe the love of the right woman could cure him. It’s bound to cross your mind at some point.”
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Laurie was coping, only in ways that made other people feel comfortable. It was a performance, going through the motions.
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She’d never grieved for anyone close to her, but she guessed this must be similar: times when the tide went out and she felt almost normal, and times when it came rushing in and she felt like she was drowning.
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was Dan at his best: spontaneous, generous, and caring.
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A team. A duo. Best friends. Turning adversity into an adventure.
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this sort of admiration for her own reflection was a very rare thing. She’d spent so long being low maintenance she’d forgotten the kick to be had in high.