Tallowwood (Tallowwood, #1)

by N.R. Walker

“If you’re asking if I’m gay or bi, then yes. Gay as a unicorn on a rainbow with confetti and sparkles, dancing to a soundtrack of Cher and Kylie Minogue.”

Sure, he scowled a lot and his resting bitch face was more of a don’t-fucking-speak-to-me face, but Jacob saw through that. There was more to August Shaw than met the eye.

I can tell you, there ain’t no one alive with more grit and fire than a drag queen.

“What? Being Aboriginal, and gay, and a cop?” Jacob chuckled. “Take your pick which one people have the biggest issue with. Actually, don’t bother. It’s like a wheel of judgement. Take a spin, round it goes, where it stops, no one knows.”

He chuckled. “Don’t change. And the more someone hates you, the better than them you need to be, because nothing’ll piss them off more than you being more successful than they are.”

“Um, Scarlett and I can both see the bottom of her bowl. Despite the presence of and build-up of cat biscuits around the inside of the bowl, there is clear evidence of the bottom of the bowl. And she’d like you to know, quite frankly, it’s not good enough.”

And people are weird. Our friends, they never knew what to say, so after a while they stopped calling or coming by. Not that I tried either. I didn’t know what to say, and I hated how they’d look at me with such pity, or how the whispers would stop when I walked in the room. It was just easier to be alone. They wouldn’t talk about him, like ‘Oh my God, don’t mention Christopher’s name in front of him!’ like if I heard someone say his name, I’d shatter into pieces.” August frowned. “Who knows, maybe in the beginning I would have.”

When you lose someone you love, something in you changes. You can’t get the pieces to fit together again because the picture of you has been changed. They need to understand your pain and how it changed you before they can understand how the new you needs to be loved.”

Jake leaned in and drew August closer to him, their bodies almost touching. He gave him time to adjust, to pull away, to say no . . . But August closed his eyes and gave into it, and Jake pulled him in for a crushing hug. He fell into him, let himself be held, and Jake held him as tight as he could. “You’re not broken,” Jake whispered. And August began to cry.

“I’m a . . . I’m a mess.” “No you’re not. You’re still you. You’re just made up of different parts now. There are new pieces to who you are. Those pieces aren’t wrong or broken, they’re just different to how you used to be. And that’s okay. Actually, that’s a good thing. You should be different after everything you’ve been through. It means you’re human, August. You don’t need to be alone. You just need someone who knows how your puzzle goes back together.”

“But looking at life through a monochrome lens is the saddest part of all. We queers were given the rainbow for a reason, honey. You must live your life!”