Wait for Me

by Tia Louise

I guess sometimes love makes you forget things can get better.

Dolly says love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as a sigh, but from what I’ve seen of love, I think it’s more like a tornado, shocking and violent and so powerful it can rip your soul out of your mouth…

Standing with her back to me, reaching high over her head into an open cabinet is not a kid by any stretch. Noel is petite and slender, with curves in all the right places. She’s wearing a fatigue-green tank top and cutoff shorts, and her glossy brown hair is piled on her head with little strands falling down.

He’s got the most amazing eyes. I can’t tell if they’re green or blue. They’re this pale blend of both colors, and they stand out under his dark brows and dark hair. A close beard covers his cheeks.

“I want to kiss you.” My voice cracks roughly. I barely recognize it.

Heaven is finding the thing you can’t live without and being able to hold it. Hell is knowing you’ll have to let it go.

He’s my first love. He’s my first real kiss. He’s my first everything…

And having that looming shadow right alongside it. The clock running out, like Cinderella at the ball. The pain of knowing in only a few short hours, everything will change, will go back to the way it was before, and we won’t be able to hold each other this way for a long, long time.

She’s so beautiful. She has dreams and so much ahead of her. I want to bring something to the table as well. Sure, I can never be a prince, but I could be a hero. I’ve trained for it. If I could do something, come back with a medal, a badge of honor, no one could say we don’t belong together. I want to give her that. I want to deserve her…

“Mamma says if you see somebody who needs a smile, you should give ‘em one of yours.”

“You hurt me, Taron. You hurt me more than I’ve ever been hurt in my life… You made me stop believing in love. You almost made me stop believing in anything.” A wobbly inhale helps me to finish. “Then she was born. She brought me back… She gave me hope. She gave me peace. It’s why I named her Dove.”

“I’m just so afraid. He was my first love. I loved him without caution, without care… and he almost killed me.”

“Remember it’s the darkest nights that produce the brightest stars. If he’s showing you his true colors, believe him.” “But how do I know which are the true ones?” “You’ll know.”

We walk slowly down the short hall then descend the stairs with her leading the way. I think about her and Dove and warm pride swells in my chest. Fuck Digger. These girls are mine. I just have to show them I’m here for the long haul.

“I love you, Daddy.” It’s the sweetest whisper, and my heart melts completely in her hand.

Do I deserve this? A twinge of darkness lurks at the corner of my mind. That old anxiety tries to raise its head, but I won’t let it in tonight.

“I’m not not sure… I guess I just want to be completely sure.”

“The force of that addiction is something I’ll never forget.” He studies me, brow furrowed. Leon is smart—I can see him thinking about this. “So you’re over it now?” “I’ll never be over it… but I’ve learned to fight it. I’ve learned when to walk away. When to get help.” I look down at my scuffed boots.

“Sawyer said sometimes good people get hit hard. We have to forgive them because we never know when it might be our turn to need forgiveness.”

“I’ve done things… bad things. Noel shouldn’t have to suffer because of me.” Her hands are on my shoulders again, grasping me sure and strong. “It doesn’t work that way. You put yourself in chains holding onto the past. Let your mistakes go and forgive yourself.”

“The darkest hour is just before dawn.”

“Daddy…” A sleepy little voice startles us. “Were you kissing Mamma?” My head snaps around. “Dove?” Her pretty eyes blink round, and her mother dives forward. “Dove? You’re awake!”

“Thank you for coming back.” He leans up, sliding his thumbs across my cheeks. “Thank you for waiting for me.” “Thank you for loving me.” His arms tighten, and he tucks my head under his chin. “I’ll never stop.”

I’ve learned love is a tornado, destructive and fierce and powerful. It’s also a butterfly, soft, gentle, beautiful. But to get to the butterfly, you must go through the tornado. Love has to change you. You have to grow, and it’s difficult and life-altering and scary and lonely… but coming out on the other side, we’ve spread our wings.

Family doesn’t stop going just because you can’t see it. Family is something that is unbreakable, forever. It’s in the trees, stretching up to the heavens. It’s tradition and laughter and love. My final thanks is to them. We’re starting a new family, and this family isn’t afraid of the tornado. This family can fly.

“You just think your daddy’s a prince.” Darcy’s tone hasn’t changed, but my Dove’s has. “My daddy’s not a prince,” she answers sweetly. “He’s a hero. He saved me and Mamma.” My heart rises in my chest, and I slide my palm over Noel’s stomach, whispering in her ear, “And you saved me right back.” “I said I’d wait for you.” “Thank God, you did.”