Wait for Me

by Tia Louise

Heaven is finding the thing you can’t live without and being able to hold it. Hell is knowing you’ll have to let it go.

It hurts so much, but I’m determined not to waste these precious moments borrowing heartache from the future. He’s still here with me. I can still touch him, smell him. He’s still mine right now. I’ll have plenty of time to miss him when he’s gone.

Promises. If we’re making promises, I’ll start with the one I made our first night together. “I’ll wait for you.” My voice is soft, but determined just like his. I’ve decided, too. “I’ve waited for you my whole life. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”

As it stands, the only tattoo I have I got in the throes of a bender, a week when all I could do was lie on my back in my bed and ache for Noel. Her name is inked above my heart, where she will always be. I broke my heart just as surely as I broke hers.

“Mamma says if you see somebody who needs a smile, you should give ‘em one of yours.” She smiles at me, and a little dimple appears just below her mouth—just like her mother’s. And just that fast, she steals my heart.

I decided if I could get myself clean, I’d come back here. If I could stay clean long enough to know I wouldn’t hurt her again, I’d try one more time to deserve her.

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“Why did you come back?” For you…

She’s a woman now, the mother of my child. I want her to be the mother of all my children. I came back because my life will never be complete without her in it, but it’s too soon to say all of that. I have to earn it first.

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Dove’s head is on her daddy’s shoulder, and her little fingers rise and fall, patting his back. He doesn’t even seem to notice, and my insides warm. The ice melts and mist fills my eyes. They’re so perfect…

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“Sawyer said sometimes good people get hit hard. We have to forgive them because we never know when it might be our turn to need forgiveness.”