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It all started as a dare. Of course, at the time I didn’t know the dare would change my life. But that’s the thing about change, isn’t it? Like love, it just happens, never seeming to announce itself.
It doesn’t matter that Eric is a state champion in chess or even that he’s the vice principal’s son. Those are all second to his sexuality. That’s the thing with labels: they tend to stick to you like unwanted gum. It’s why I’m so careful not to be labeled.
The soccer players are the kings of Fairvale Academy, and I am nothing but a lowly peasant, which has always been fine with me.
being gay is never a choice.
I really do believe love is love.
“That’s the problem with liking straight boys. The story always ends the same.”
it’s what society has made me believe. Everyone says straight is the norm.
Just last night I spent a good twenty minutes world-building for this fantasy book that I have been writing for the better part of the year. It’s my goal to finish this draft before I graduate and head off to New York City for college.
we’re the same person lol
My today is worlds apart from my yesterday.
Sometimes hiding is the difference between life and death.
Living your truth is important, but sometimes living the lie is what keeps you warm, fed, looked after…breathing.
I’m a puzzle that’s incomplete. If they ever see the full picture, will they feel the same way?
Your mouth may lie but your face can’t. It’s like a siren.
“You know, you’re strangely more talkative over text.” “That’s because you can’t see me. I’m a really anxious person.
I hate lies. They can ruin things that were once perfect.”
“I’m probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet.
sameeeee
you really can’t be a writer without being a reader first.”
This time he even interlocks our fingers. Bryson Keller and I hold hands the rest of the way home. And I take my first step into quicksand.
awh
“Huh, you’re an onion, Bryson Keller.” “An onion?” “Layers. You have layers.” I shake my head. “I learn something new about you every day.”
“Change scares me.”
Is Bryson Keller gay? This time I’m sure it’s not just wishful thinking. He held my hand.
he said he wasn’t gay. Do I believe what he’s said, or how he’s acted?
I expect to smell soap, but instead, it smells just like Bryson does. When he faces me, his lips are pulled into a small smile—like he’s holding back a secret.
HE DEF WENT TO SLEEP IN IT SKFBAKNA
This is how crushes start: first you can’t stop thinking about the person, then you just can’t wait to see them, and finally you want to spend all your time with them.
We’re in our final position, so we’re close. We both pause at the sound of clapping. We turn to find Dustin standing there. “That was so gay.” He laughs. My face reddens and I tense. Bryson must feel it because he puts some distance between us. I hate that I’m embarrassed right now. Angry not only at Dustin but at myself, too.
poor kai :(
Being closeted has meant that I’ve always just had to listen and ignore the homophobic stuff because I’ve never wanted to put the spotlight on me.
I’ve never believed that there’s a set amount of time before you can like someone. When it happens, it happens.
“We can’t afford to lose this one. We really need the points.” I smile at my friend. It’s cute how he refers to Priya’s activities as his own.
“The same goes for you,” Donny says. “I know you.”
HE KNOWS
It’s unfair how heterosexuals get to love, laugh, and live so freely, while we second-guess everything. Our actions are always cautious.
“I don’t think it’s hit me until this week how scary it is to think about coming out.
because he now is supposed to come out too aw poor bryson
“To answer your question,” Bryson says. “Yes, I think I might be.”
AWHHHHH
I miss you, is that weird? I take a deep breath and decide to be honest. No, because I miss you too.
“You wouldn’t believe how many people actually question whether or not I am mixed race. It’s like they have this idea of how I’m supposed to look, and I clearly don’t, so to them I’m less authentic.”
“The truth is that I don’t know if I’m gay. Yes, I like you, but does that mean I’m gay, too?
“Can…can I figure it out with you?”
AWW IM GONNA CRY 🥺
“Because this is all kinds of scary.” He holds up his thumb and finger so that they are inches apart. “But you make it a little less scary.”
It’s made me greedy for the same acceptance that everyone else gets.
“Don’t ever say that again,” he says. “You’re every bit as much the leading man as anyone else. Never forget that, and remember that I like you just the way you are.”
Whether it’s acting or writing, you have to always try. Nos will often come, but it takes only one yes.”
“I want to kiss you,” he says. “I’ve wanted to for a while now.” His voice is low, gruff, nothing more than a whisper. “Can I?” We’re in a city where no one knows us, standing at the cliff, waiting to jump.
On this Friday night, we are just two boys kissing because we want to, because we like each other. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. Because love is love is love.
I am riding a cloud of euphoria. No wonder pop stars are constantly saying love is a drug. It may be cliché, but it also happens to be true.
My having a boyfriend is normal.
Whoever says that boys don’t cry—or shouldn’t cry—needs to walk off a very short pier into a shark-infested ocean.
He throws his hands in the air and begins a victory dance that consists of a lot of hip thrusting and fist pumping. Watching Bryson Keller like this, I wonder if maybe I’ve won.
if I could highlight this whole book I would
I know you, Bryson. And the Bryson Keller I know is not gay.”
BRUH YALL ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIENDS
“Being gay isn’t a disease, asshole!” I spit. “You can’t catch it. It isn’t contagious.”
I never want to hear that word. There isn’t ever a reason for it to be uttered, and yet people like Dustin Smith think they can just go around wielding that word like the knife it is.
“You’re not gay,” Dustin says. “How do you know what I am?” Bryson asks, pain making his voice crack. “I’m still figuring it out.”
