I've Never Been (Un) Happier

by Shaheen Bhatt

‘Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night’ —Sarah Williams, ‘The Old Astronomer’

don’t write about my experiences with depression to defend the legitimacy of my pain. My pain is real; it does not come to me because of my lifestyle, and it is not taken away by my lifestyle.

wonder if over time I purposefully grew quiet so people wouldn’t notice when I inevitably stopped talking. I wonder if I carefully constructed the reputation of a recluse so they wouldn’t be surprised when I disappeared for months on end.

In other words, you can buy happiness off the rack—but sadness is tailor-made just for you.

‘We’re the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war . . . our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.’