Butterfly 2

by Ashley Antoinette

Bdonnas Apeshit

Rollhaven,

She couldn’t help but smile. He was so patient with them. It wasn’t that he was doing what Bash didn’t, because he too was amazing with Ssari and Yara, but women expected men like Bash to be fatherly. A nigga like Meek. A hood nigga. A street nigga. Those hands that loaded clips and pulled triggers, weren’t supposed to be able to be so gentle.

So hood men can know how to have sex and create children but not raise them? To be honest, some of the worst men I’ve met sometimes I’ve literally laughed at (especially when I found out they were fathers—and good fathers). Like even if they are disgusting to people outwardly I’ve always known that it’s a good side they’re not showing (and this is not in reference to all evil/hood/even racist men).

I’ma smoke you,

“Imma show you”.

this looks bad.

This is bad.

The last time she had said those words she had given a man the power to destroy her.

coquettish,

Victorian

hutch

keeled

tutelage.

Poem of Friendship” by Nikki Giovanni.

Pall bearers.

Walk real fucking light with my wife.

You have to understand that you can’t control how people move on from you. If you want any chance of fixing things you have to love without judgment.

baritone

“Can’t give that bitch to nobody because I ain’t never give it back.”

I don’t agree with this statement right here.

Eyes she wouldn’t even bless him with looking into.

Men have self-control.

Settled

the woman you love would spend her life trying to identify you in other men.

You don’t have to give up on them before they give up on you,

“Mo, you’re twenty-one years old,” he said. “In a perfect world, I’d be picking you up for the movies on a Friday night, taking you to Miami for the weekend or something, not forcing marriage down your throat. I’d date you. We’d get to know one another. You’d probably break up with a nigga a few times, but I ain’t crazy, I know your worth, so I’d work like a mu’fucka to get you back,” he chuckled. “And then when you’re older. When you’ve become a woman that can make a decision that affects the rest of your life, I’d ask you. I wouldn’t do it before that.

Finally some adult talk.

“You honestly need to be alone for a while, love,” he said. Morgan pushed off his chest, sitting up and looking at him with dismay. “What does that even mean?” she asked, frowning. “The fact that you don’t know what it means speaks volumes,” he stated.

I’ve been alone for years and I know exactly what he’s talking about. Interestingly enough I’ve met a lot of grown girls in adult bodies who’ve built themselves and identity through men… they believe men can fix/heal/etc. them. I have learned… when I began showing myself the most love, care, and patience (and studying Gods word), those type of men begin showing up in my life and affirming that love in ways that solidify the wholeness of who I already am. It makes it so much easier to leave situations unhurt, unbothered, and less attached. But again, I’ve learned that… through the fire and the pain of loss, heartbreak, disloyalty, lies, etc. I went through it alone. I did and am still doing the work mentally, physically, emotionally, and especially religiously and spiritually. Honestly, I remember there was a time I was loving myself so good and spending so much time with Gods word, I attracted this community of men, they were so good to me… I left because I felt I was selfish (I was receiving too much love). It was an overflow of love and I was sooo scared of it. After I found that though I knew self-love is the only way to truly heal.

“You’re going to find you, Mo. That’s worth losing anybody.”

languor

B.

G

“Yeah,

Yo

“My mother has rescinded the credits you earned while in London. You no longer qualify for graduation,” Bash said. “You come home. You cut everybody else off and your credits will go back to normal. Otherwise, you’ll be put under academic investigation for cheating.”

He’s threatening her.

crass.

with it.

With you