Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don't)

by Carolyn Elliott

Here's example

to get you started:

Remember, the point of this exercise is never to bring yourself down.

point is to notice what inner sadistic prohibitions are already operating in you

make those prohibitions explicit and conscious by s...

your full conscious a...

savoring their extreme Villain-esque sadistic...

trick is to make space and time to honor that sadistic part of you,

you allow your unconscious shadow to finally complete a dance that it's been trying to finish for years.

we must temporarily drop your argument with the inner sadistic prohibition, and instead to play with giving it your full consent for a little bit of time.

ego creates a sort of

of grasping attachment focused on getting the

Everything the conscious mind puts in this spotlight

would,

gloriously prove that we're finally and truly the ideal selves that we think we need ...

spotlight of conscious thought shines on an idealized version of our...

vision of how...

be.

In the shadows, there is a hot attachment to failure and humiliation and anxiety and rage.

fear and desire ARE IDENTICAL.

Just let failure

humiliation

be the cherished beloveds that they already are to you.

All you need is honesty.

Be honest about how exciting it is that you'll definitely die,

You're a complete failure no matter what. A dead failure.

When you do this, the spotlight switches off.

There's no spotlight and...

just a luminous dark as you enter the unknown...

luminous dark comes when you find the courage to stop grasping after that idealized self-image,

Jacques Derrida

the future unconditioned by past patterns.

havingness level

kind of internal imprint based on past family and cultural conditioning that determines the amount and kinds of sensation that you're willing to feel before some part of you unconsciously decides it's

or

and then goes into fight, fligh...

conscious mind

fictional reason to freak out,

convincingly hides the actual underlying reason that the fre...

thus keeping the imprint intact, thus maintaining fam...

Your havingness level is deeply connected to who you know yourself to be.

who you know yourself to be, right now, is a kind of fictional-yet-utterly-real-seeming blueprint that defines how much good stuff you'll let yourself have.

take a deep breath and drop your judgment of the constriction this part of you has created.

fully identify with this kinky part of you.

let go of thinking that you're the one who disapproves of this a...

you're a kind of cosmic masoc...

who just beamed down into your li...

Both scarcity and bounty are highly sensational.

You can choose to have all the sensations that go along with wealth, but first you need to get crystal clear on your fondness for all the sensations that go along with scarcity.

make a rejection game out of your actions.