Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don't)

by Carolyn Elliott

common patterns

pick fights with your partner to get attention,

troll people on soci...

bad-mouth colleagues as a way of gaining le...

sideways manifestations of a desi...

working on dissolving a passive-aggressive pattern that negatively impacts you and others,

consider all the ways that you hold yourself back from giving others the exact sensations that it would truly please you to give them.

Faith in an outcome is just a sensation of certainty.

sensation of certainty about the negative stuff you dread, and turn that around into certainty about positive outcomes.

Here's how: dread the wonderful.

Here's how it works. Try leveraging your dread by saying this to yourself:

Dreading the Wonderful

Standing up for myself robs me of the opportunity to experience the bliss of martyrdom.

our standards may well need resetting, but so do the stories we tell ourselves.

Rather than feeling hopelessly stuck with conditions we detest, we begin to be aware that the conditions are a kinky game we've (unknowingly) created.

when we suffer from our problems,

what we're usually suffering from,

is the story in o...

The universe isn't a balance sheet of worthiness; it's a work of art.

you just sneakily generated the scene as a form of dark entertainment,

If there was a TV show about healthy people who were totally happy, thriving in all of their work and relationships, with no problems or challenges, absolutely no one would watch it.

don't ignore or deny those stark realities, go right into ‘em with tons of shameless sadomasochistic glee, enjoy the fuck out of ‘em, and be honestly happy instead of weird-denial-fake-happy.

The Work of Byron Katie

Byron Katie

Brahmavihara meditation

Meditative practice for depression

Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection

Book

(Emotional Freedom Technique),

EFT?

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross

Book

if you don't fully feel your grief, you can never fully feel your pleasure.

The Existential Kink approach to life is absolutely not about denial; it's about fully feeling what's honestly there.

I understand that once you learn about how the unconscious creates painful life situations it can be very tempting to go right to the most hurtful wounds you ever experienced and try to get off on them. I do not recommend this at all.

as children we are quite powerless in our choice of surroundings and companions; as adults we have immense power in our choice of surroundings.

far preferable to do EK on what you have created for yourself as an adult who is free to navigate in the world, rather than doing EK on what you experienced as a dependent and powerless child.