Decline and Fail: Read in Case of Political Apocalypse

by John Crace

Competitive applause at its most nakedly shameless. Hypocrites all.

He concluded by saying he would be working flat out. Or two hours a day, whichever was the longer.

She had been in this job too long. As had the next person she was about to see. And he hadn’t officially even started.

Larry the cat walked out of the front door of No 10 and raised a paw to the world’s media. He had seen off two prime ministers and he was fairly sure he’d see off Boris too.

There’s nothing more guaranteed to make you depressed than to be told to be optimistic by a narcissistic fantasist.

Like any sociopath who doesn’t believe anything, Boris makes everything he says sound equally unconvincing.

In would come a cabinet shaped in his own image. A cabinet of shits, charlatans and shysters.

No matter that no one voted for a de facto Vote Leave government of shits and charlatans, that is what we now have.

pleaded for his head to be the first to disappear up Johnson’s ample arse. Get in the queue, Johnson barked.

Johnson does not lie because he thinks it the easy thing to do. He lies because it’s the only thing he knows how to do.