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Chaos is the only thing that makes me stop and stare. It’s a pause button to my brain.
Chaos taught me many things, and the most important of all is: you have to start it yourself. You can’t wait for chaos to happen.
I grin. “I want to be your first.” “My first in what?” My thumb wipes the moisture under her eyes. “In everything, Butterfly.” “Then I want your firsts, too.” She juts her chin. “Promise me.” “Promise.”
“Hate me all you want, but keep our promise. All your firsts are mine.”
I still pull on her hair every chance I get. She’s lost that awed, surprised look over time, but it’s one of the rarest moments where she’ll stare up at me with wide eyes. They usually morph into glares way too soon, but that brief second is worth it.
I make sure she falls at my feet.
Chaos. She’s fucking chaos.
under the bed, doesn’t mean the monster isn’t there. He is. Waiting. Biding his time for the right moment so he can come out and play. The only way to escape is to never, ever look. I was so close to breaking my own rule that day in my room, but it won’t happen again.
Cole is still by the door, staring at me like a predator who can’t decide what to do with his prey. Although he already has.
For someone so cold, he’s so warm. I felt it. Hell, I still feel it with every step I take.
If you want something, go for it. Society and expectations be damned.
“Because she’s mine now.” My throat closes around the word. Mine. How long have I waited to say that out loud? Years. Fucking years.
Yesterday, I signed a no-going-back oath and today, I’m keeping it.
He stares down at me with those eyes that I sometimes think have no soul behind them. They’re green, but they feel black. They’re looking at me, but sometimes, it’s like they’re seeing through me.
“I’ll leave my mark as you leave yours, Butterfly,” he speaks through loud, erotic sucks that echo in the bathroom. “No one will see you like I do, touch you like I do, fuck you like I do.”
“Do you know how much I’ve fantasised about having you completely at my mercy?”
“Because you’re my chaos, and I can’t survive without chaos.”
“The worst of all. The most beautiful of all. And you know what? You might as well be the deadliest.”
“I hate you,” I tell him. He smiles as his lips brush against my temple and stay there. “Not as much as you want me, Butterfly.”
“Hey!” I protest. “That’s mine.” “Not anymore.” “Are you a pervert?” He places a kiss on my nose, his voice teasing. “I’ve always been a pervert for you, Butterfly. It’s not my fault you’re only just figuring it out.”
As I stare up at him, I realise two things. One, he’s ruined me for anyone else. Two, I’m screwed.
“You’re the only thing I’ve never been able to think through.” My breath shortens, but I whisper, “Because I’m your chaos?” “Because you’re the reason I look forward to new days.”
She’s not supposed to be my calm. And yet, when her head falls on my back and her warmth mingles with mine, I realise she’s the only calm I’ve ever had in my life. Even books don’t compare — and that says something.
Silver is the beauty and the ugliness. The calm and the chaos.
“Well, here’s the thing, Butterfly.” He leans over and brushes his lips against my nose. “I don’t mind self-destructing if it’s with you.”
Your pain is my pain, Butterfly.
