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There’s freedom in chaos.
Chaos is the only thing that makes me stop and stare. It’s a pause button to my brain.
I learnt silence before I learnt talking. Silence gives you room to think, to plot. Talking only gets you in trouble.
I grin. “I want to be your first.” “My first in what?” My thumb wipes the moisture under her eyes. “In everything, Butterfly.” “Then I want your firsts, too.” She juts her chin. “Promise me.” “Promise.”
Time to start my homework. Run, doll. Hide. And don’t ever, ever look under your bed.
“Hate me all you want, but keep our promise. All your firsts are mine.”
Never mind,’ I said. ‘Both of us have a lot of feelings we need to get out in the open. So if you want to take those feelings and smash somebody with them, smash me. Then
we can understand each other better.’” He doesn’t even miss a beat.
My entire body sharpens whenever she’s in my vicinity. It’s been getting more noticeable over the years. Every time she’s there, I have this urge to get up, grab her, and take her…somewhere. Anywhere.
No. It’s not only her lips that I haven’t been able to stop staring at. It’s her. All of her.
I’ve always thought sleep is a waste of time. Why sleep when you can read?
“What was that for, Nash? Do I smell jealousy in the air?” “That’s a declaration of war. It might not be tomorrow or next year or even the next decade, but I’ll find a way to crush you.”
If he wants a war, then war is what he’ll get.
Reading is one of my defence mechanisms to not get caught up in the world. The world makes me think of worldly things, like that night, and I hate that night.
Sick. Maybe. Probably. And part of my sickness is her. My Butterfly. My chaos.
“Happy birthday, Butterfly,” he whispers against my ear. “You’re now mine.”
If she thinks I’ll let her hang on to his arm after I claimed her, then she must not know me at all.
“Because she’s mine now.” My throat closes around the word. Mine. How long have I waited to say that out loud? Years. Fucking years.
“I hate you,” I murmur. He pulls on my hair and kisses my nose. “Sure thing, Butterfly. As long as it lets you sleep at night.”
you do that, I’ll go fuck Aiden.” He laughs, but there’s no humour behind it as he tugs on my hair. “We both know you won’t do that.” “Do you want a video this time?”
“I can’t fuck you, but I can play with you.”
“Looks like fun. I should’ve been invited, considering I’m the fiancé and all.”
“Fuck off,” Cole says calmly as he smooths my dress and I feel him pulling my underwear up my legs.
“What was that, brother-in-law?”
Petty bitch
“Say that again and I’ll murder you.”
“Because you’re my chaos, and I can’t survive without chaos.”
I inwardly groan at the memory of her dragging them down my back. She thinks she was hurting me, when in fact, she was proving how territorial she actually is about me.
As I stare up at him, I realise two things. One, he’s ruined me for anyone else. Two, I’m screwed.
There are right days and wrong days.
I realise she’s the only calm I’ve ever had in my life. Even books don’t compare — and that says something.
Silver wrenched me from the water, not only now, but also ten years ago. My chaos. My damnation.
If he’s sick and I secretly love the devious ways he takes me, what does that make me?
“What?” She takes the mug from me. “Romance in films and fiction is much better than real life.”
“I barged in?” He grabs both my hands, forcing me to stop, but he doesn’t yank them away from his chest. “I did it? How about you? Why the fuck did you have to be here that day? Why did you jump me, push me to the bench, and cry your glitter tears on me? Why did you refuse to let me go and promise me your firsts? If you want to blame anyone, blame yourself. You made me obsessed with you to the point I can’t fucking breathe until I see you.”
“This is your form of porn, isn’t it?” “Shut up and read.” “The sex could use more intensity, like, let’s say, ropes?” “Not everyone is into kink like you.” “They should be. They’re missing out. After all, I converted you, Miss Prim and Proper, to the dark side. Admit it, you’ve been thinking about it since you saw that picture on my phone.”
‘The enemy is in front of you. The sea is behind you.’
artist and no one is meant to understand them. She says even artists find trouble understanding themselves sometimes.
Something shifts in the air. It’s like that sense of excitement you get when turning a new page in a book.
What’s the point of appetisers if there’s no main course?
I might be his chaos, but he’s also mine.
My chaos and my safety.
Come on, Silver. Come on, you can’t leave me! Please don’t fucking leave me.
“You told me to go home. You’re my home, Cole.”
“Because I love you, Cole. I’ve been in love with you since you found me in the park that day and pulled my hair and told me you wanted my firsts. I’ve loved you more through the years, and I hated every time I had to face the reality that I couldn’t be with you.”
“That’s because I wanted you to stay interested in me. To never get tired of me. I beat you in everything just to see that fire in your eyes as you challenged me for a rematch. I beat you to keep you coming back to me.” My lips part. I didn’t know that. “Really?” “Really. I might have been in love with you for as long as you’ve been in love with me.” Tears glisten in my eyes. “Oh, Cole.”
