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Many of these studies have concluded that the more we deceive ourselves about our lovers—the more we believe our partners are kind and generous and beautiful, for example—the happier our relationships will be.
An array of psychological research studies show that in most healthy relationships, people see their partners through rose-tinted glasses: We see them as better people than objective analysis would justify. But we also see them as the sort of better people that we want to be with, based upon our own ideals and biases
couples who had the most inflated views of their partners—the ones who saw their relationships with the greatest degree of self-deception—were the happiest.
When we are in love, brain changes literally impair our critical thinking ability (which is why it can be difficult to argue a sixteen-year-old out of a crush). Interestingly, the same changes can be triggered by maternal love, which can be even more unreasonable.
People with higher self-esteem seemed to overrate their own looks more than people with low self-esteem, another piece of evidence that superior psychological functioning is often linked to delusional thinking.
Our expectations tell us what to attend to, and what to ignore.
We simply don’t expect to see a chest-beating gorilla on a basketball court—which is why we don’t notice it when it shows up.
