Logging Off

by Nick Spalding

I don’t hold out much hope that she’ll also swipe right on me, but Tinder is more about the fantasy than the reality, in my experience.

The default emotional state for engagement on Twitter is ‘livid about something – anything – doesn’t really matter what’.

‘Of course I’m shallow, Fergus. I use Tinder.’

OK . . . so I’m not having coffee with a hardened criminal, it appears, just someone who’s clearly a conspiracy theorist of the highest order.

That's not exactly better haha

feel so much more comfortable in stressful situations when I’m not in charge.

It’s plainly clear that living a life without technology is not an easy thing to do. The world around me is so geared towards using it, that attempting not to leads down paths of disaster and weirdness – no matter how hard you try to avoid them.

I knew I was addicted to the online world, but I had no idea to what extent the actual world was so reliant on it.

Feeling free does not also stop you from feeling lost. The two emotions can sit beside each other quite comfortably, it turns out.

It turns out public speaking is quite good fun – as long as you’re saying things that people want to hear.

Haha good point

And who am I to tell them the path is hard? That it comes with a lot of pitfalls?

It seems strange to go on social media just to declare you’re leaving social media – but of course nothing happens these days unless you have mentioned it on social media.

Our culture is fad-based, and fads are not usually long-term pursuits.

The Internet does not allow for universal praise. If you don’t believe me, just post a picture of the cutest puppy you can find, and there will be some people who will criticise it for not being fluffy enough, or having doe eyes that are just a bit too runny.

I am not constitutionally capable of having fans. I cannot bear the weight of that responsibility.

‘One of the worst things about that tech obsession of yours was the way it made you think you had to share everything, with everyone – all of the time. That’s social bloody media for you – it’s turned us all into people who think we shouldn’t keep things private any more. And that doing so is wrong!’

‘You’re not required to let people into every aspect of your life, Andy! Not just because I wrote a bloody story about you for the newspaper!’

‘Living a happy life is about knowing how much of yourself you want ...

Is my guilt at not being entirely honest with the Loggers Off more about how I’ve been conditioned to act online than it is about some problem with morality I’ve developed?

‘You don’t need to listen to anybody else to know what’s right for you. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anyone! You shouldn’t look to me for answers . . . any more than you should look to the people you’ve followed on social media in the past.’

Life is about finding your balance. No matter how long it takes. No matter how hard it is to get there. And no matter how many duck ponds you have to drive into. Because you will get there, eventually. Trust me.