Logging Off

by Nick Spalding

my God. This is amazing. Why haven’t I seen this before? It’s an app . . . that records your bowel movements! Its name? HowUPooing.

I have a feeling that the day you can seamlessly communicate with any government or public service organisation of your choice via the Internet, will be the day before artificial intelligence finally takes over and murders everyone.

The default emotional state for engagement on Twitter is ‘livid about something – anything – doesn’t really matter what’.

And then there’s Kim Kardashian . . . She wouldn’t have a career without the Internet and social media. Surely that’s the web’s greatest crime, isn’t it?

‘I hates Twitter,’ my new friend says to me. ‘My wife Shez is on it all the time, and keeps

‘In life, when an opportunity to see how others live arrives, you should grasp it with both hands. It will broaden your horizons and make you a better person.’

I’ve been so used to outsourcing my general knowledge to Google that when I have to fall back on the contents of my brain, I find that it’s a sluggish, stupid thing, with far less recall of facts than it should have.