So Lucky

by Dawn O'Porter

I have no idea how to teach a girl to love herself.

I hate a lot of things I am supposed to like – especially when it comes to being a mother, but also just life in general.

hate how the male gaze is still more powerful than a woman’s self-worth.

comment like that can send a clitoris sailing to the ground like an unopened parachute. Thud.

cataclysmic.

have a habit of telling myself that I am worse off than everyone else. When I meet someone else with a physical or emotional defect, I feel connected to them. I guess that makes sense.

Turns out women supporting women is really hard when hot rich men get in the way. I keep that to myself.

I actually feel OK about my body until I look at pictures of thin and beautiful people on Instagram. It’s the main reason I don’t really go on it. I see it as a form of torture. It’s like being skint but walking around the Selfridges’ food hall. Don’t put yourself through it.

as if she’s thinking a thousand things but only saying one.

I’d keep that secret like a love note stuffed into my pocket.

often, when you are living an experience, and things seem OK, you really don’t worry about what is wrong with it.

contaminated by innocence

As women, we are raised to believe all men want to screw us. When one doesn’t, especially when it’s the man you love, it’s incredibly confusing. It feels like the problem must be me.

turning the shower off. I could have stayed in it for days, washing away what I did. It’s a shame you can’t shower away your feelings.

‘I think some men just like to have a woman at home. A security against their loneliness. Someone they can rely on to make house and make babies. It’s like money in the bank, they know they will always have it.’

When you slowly chip away at someone they will break.