The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

by Daniel J. Siegel

Ask yourself these questions, paying attention to any thoughts and emotions that arise. See yourself and your own responses, taking each question one by one, slowing down to give extra thought to any that spark a stronger reaction within you. To what degree did you feel truly seen by your parents, as we define it here (i.e., they perceived your internal landscape deeply, then offered a response that matched)? Do you currently have relationships in which you have more meaningful conversations, where you discuss matters having to do with your memories, fears, desires, and other facets of your inner life? What about with your kids? Do you interact with them in ways that introduce them to and honor their inner worlds? Do you model what it means to pay attention to your own mind and emotions? How often do they feel truly seen by you? Do they feel like you embrace them for who they truly are, even if it’s different from you or your desires for them? Do your kids ever feel shamed for having and expressing their emotions? Do they believe that you’ll show up and be there for them, even when they’re feeling distressed or behaving at their worst? What’s one step you could take right now, today, to do a better job of truly seeing your children and responding to what they need? It might have to do with chasing the “why” when something happens you don’t like, or creating space to go deeper. Or maybe you want to do a better job of taking an interest in something they care about.