The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

by Daniel J. Siegel

It can be an incredibly liberating experience to realize that you’re not to blame for your parents’ failure to show up for you in your childhood, and that you have the power to liberate yourself now from a past you did not create.

Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.

All of us learn about ourselves through the mirror of the categories others place us in.

And if we can’t see our kids, then what do we really mean when we say we love them?

Why? It is, ironically,

“safer” to believe that the reason your needs are not being met is because there is something wrong with you, rather than that your parents—whom you depend on for your very survival—are actually not dependable.

We really can hold firm boundaries about behaviors and expectations while being “soft” toward the child and his emotions.

It really is humorous how often we parents behave in ways, produced by our own reactivity, that consistently end up being counterproductive—we often work against our own goals!

powerful message you can give your kids when they’re

upset is, “You’re safe. I’m here. You’re not alone. It’s going to be okay.”

he “should try talking to her about her feelings, not telling her what to feel.”

When we can tell a coherent story about where we’ve come from and how it affects us in the present, we can then take clear and powerful steps toward becoming the kind of parents we want to be.