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December 17 - December 28, 2018
I went on to read everything about introversion I could get my hands on. I read Quiet by Susan Cain, Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe, The Introvert’s Way by Sophia Dembling, and others.
Introversion is a temperament, which is different from your personality; temperament refers to your inborn traits that organize how you approach the world, while personality can be defined as the pattern of behavior, thoughts, and emotions that make you an individual. It can take years to build a personality, but your temperament is something you’re born with.
Your inner monologue never stops. You have a distinct inner voice that’s always running in the back of your mind. If people could hear the thoughts that ran through your head, they may, in turn, be surprised, amazed, and perhaps horrified. Whatever their reaction might be, your inner narrator is something that’s hard to shut off. Sometimes you can’t sleep at night because your mind is still going. Thoughts from your past haunt you. “I can’t believe I said that stupid thing … five years ago!” 4. You often feel lonelier in a crowd than when you’re alone. There’s something about being with a
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You’d rather pull your boss aside afterward and have a one-on-one conversation, or email your ideas, rather than explain them to a room full of people.
You’re better at writing your thoughts than speaking them. You prefer texting to calling and emailing to face-to-face meetings. Writing gives you time to reflect on what to say and how to say it. It allows you to edit your thoughts and craft your message just so.
In his YouTube video, “Thoughts from Places: The Tour,” Green says, “Writing is something you do alone. It’s a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.”
We find small talk inauthentic, and, frankly, many of us feel awkward doing it.
In fact, if you’re an introvert, you might experience something that’s been dubbed the “introvert hangover.” Like a hangover induced by one too many giant fishbowl margaritas, you feel sluggish and icky after too much socializing. Your brain seems to stop working, and, in your exhaustion, you cease to be able to hold a conversation or say words that make sense. You just want to lie down in a quiet, dark room and not move or talk for a while. That’s because introverts can become overstimulated by socializing and shut down
extroverts were more likely to connect their feelings of bliss with the environment they were in.
According to the researchers, the brains of introverts may weigh internal cues more strongly than external ones. In other words, introverts don’t feel “high” from their surroundings; instead, we’re paying more attention to what’s going on inwardly.
You’re an old soul. Introverts tend to observe, process information deeply, and reflect before they speak. Analytical by nature, we’re often interested in discovering the deeper meaning or underlying pattern behind events. Because of this, introverts can seem wise, even from a young age.
So introverts live in two worlds: we visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.
Keep in mind that introversion and extroversion are not all-or-nothing traits. Imagine a spectrum with introversion on one end and extroversion on the other. Everyone lands somewhere on that spectrum, with some falling closer to the introverted end and others nearer the extroverted end. Nobody is a pure introvert or extrovert. “Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum,” wrote Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychologist who first coined the term introvert. In other words, we all act “extroverted” in some situations and “introverted” in others.
Your personality is shaped by your circumstances and experiences; your temperament is encoded in your DNA from birth.
People are born being more introverted or extroverted, and circumstances won’t change that. But here’s the catch. Circumstances can change your personality. Snidman tells me, “Personality can become modified over time as environmental events occur. Our perceptions of the world and responses to it can change to a greater or lesser extent depending on experiences in our life.” Sadly, if you were bullied as a kid or if the love of your life broke up with you, you’re going to be negatively impacted. You may become more withdrawn, more cautious, and less confident overall. For a time, you may want
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As humans, we tend to be more profoundly altered by highly unpleasant experiences than by highly pleasurable ones. In other words, our brains overlearn from negative experiences—especially as children. For example, if you were bullied as a child, your personality may have suffered. This is because traumatic experiences can produce changes in the brain. This can lead to shifts in intelligence, emotional reactivity, happiness, sociability, and other traits.
A “social” introvert is someone who is introverted in a social way. It means you have a preference for hanging out with just a few people at a time. Or, sometimes, you prefer not to hang out with anyone at all—people who are high in social introversion like being alone.
a “thinking” introvert is someone who is introspective, thoughtful, and self-reflective.
So, a thinking introvert might hang out with their friends all weekend but then spend Sunday night alone journaling, daydreaming, or working on their graphic novel.
Restrained introverts tend to operate at a slightly slower pace. They may take a while to get going. They prefer to think before they speak or act. To relax, they like to slow down and take it easy, as opposed to seeking out new or exciting experiences and sensations. They may sometimes feel sluggish and lacking energy.
“Yes, I’m an introvert, but I’m a thinking introvert, which means large groups don’t bother me, but I like having plenty of time alone to think and reflect.”
Trying to think of exactly the right words to say is called “word retrieval,” and it’s something many introverts struggle with.
One reason word retrieval can be difficult for introverts is we process information deeply. We chew on ideas, turning them over and over in our minds, and often analyzing them from every angle. When you’re in “reflecting mode,” it’s hard to talk. Introverts don’t think out loud like many extroverts do; we do our processing inwardly.
As an introvert, you may feel that you express yourself best when you can write out your thoughts. For example, you may prefer text messages and emails to phone calls and in-person meetings.
the brilliant physicist Stephen Hawking once said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.”
“I’m an introvert, and I don’t want to change that,” she proudly declared. “I think you’re misunderstanding what it means to be introverted.”
acting falsely extroverted can lead to burnout, stress, and cardiovascular disease.
embracing your introverted nature isn’t just a feel-good axiom; it’s actually good for your physical health.
being called bitchy, rude, or aloof is a common introvert problem.
Our reserved nature gets us in trouble. We don’t bubble over with pleasantries, so we get accused of being unfriendly. We don’t blab our life story to people we’ve just met, so we get accused of being aloof. But introverts don’t see life as one big cocktail party. We’re content with just a few meaningful relationships.
Introversion does not equate to being antisocial,
Our need for alone time is seen as unsociable. Unhealthy, even. Extroverts can’t fathom why we want to be alone often—they figure there’s no way it can be good for us.
What they don’t understand is there’s a tiny, invisible battery inside introverts. This metaphorical battery contains all our juice for social interaction. When a chatty coworker goes on and on about her weekend and you’re forced to listen, your battery drains a little. When you do a group lunch with everyone in your office and polite chitchat is mandatory, your battery drains more. When you attend your second cousin’s wedding and play nice with relatives who last saw you when you were “only this tall!” your battery becomes depleted. It’s not that introverts have an unhealthy need to be alone.
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“A misconception about us that I’ve run into is even after you explain what introversion is, a lot of times an extrovert still tries to give you advice on how to be more extroverted. What’s frustrating is that this implies that introversion is an inferior personality type. It’s like they think introverts just need to hear how to be extroverts, as if haven’t been told that our entire lives. This is frustrating, but I think introverts have a responsibility to show the world that the way we approach the world is valid and doesn’t need to be fixed.”
“I think the biggest misconception is that all introverts have social anxiety and don’t enjoy socializing. My extroverted coworker knows that I’m an introvert. There have been times when she’s assumed that I wouldn’t be interested in things that involve socializing or presenting because I’m an introvert. If I mention I went to a party or something over the weekend, she will respond, ‘Are you sure you’re an introvert?’ I’ve explained that being an introvert doesn’t mean that I dislike people or socializing or that I’m shy, just that I need more alone time to recharge my batteries.”
“The biggest misconception I’ve faced as an introvert is that people think I’m not one! Most people in my life really struggle to understand that I have a lot of social anxiety, and it actually makes me ‘perform’ in public like I’m extroverted. I can be chatty, loud, engaged … but all of it comes from fear, anxiety, and pressure. When I’m really being myself, I’m actually very quiet and reserved.”
I’ve worked in many jobs where I have to be ‘on’ most of the time. Because of this, I know how to do small talk and can do it well. But others don’t see what happens when I get home. I have to totally shut down, sometimes for up to an hour, to recharge enough to do tasks at home.
Introverts can be just as emotional as extroverts—but we usually keep the bulk of those feelings hidden inside. Even if we’re having a bad day and a coworker asks, “How are you?” we may not want to talk about it.
Our friends and loved ones think we dislike people because we like spending time alone. However, for most introverts, this is simply not true. In fact, some introverts like people so much that they’ve chosen “extroverted” careers that force them to interact with people every day.
Another misconception about introverts is that we’re all shy. But that’s simply not true. Introversion and shyness are two different things. If you’re shy, you fear being judged negatively by others; you may frequently feel bashful, timid, nervous, and insecure in social settings, as well as experience physical sensations, such as blushing or feeling shaky and breathless. If you’re an introvert, you simply prefer calm, low-key environments.
some people are born with “high-reactive” temperaments that make them inclined to both shyness and introversion,
shy people may become more introverted over time; because social life is a source of anxiety, they may be inspired to discover the joy of being alone.
introverts may become shy after repeatedly receiving the message from peers, teachers, and parents that the...
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It’s important to know the difference between shyness and introversion, because if you’re painfully shy, you can work to overcome your shyness. I did. I grew up horribly shy, but these days, I worry a lot less about what people think of me—and it’s freeing. But the more signif...
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Managing others. Being in the spotlight. Taking risks. These are qualities we associate with leaders—and with extroversion. Does this mean introverts make poor leaders? Not at all.
some of the most notable leaders of our time are introverts, such as Bill Gates. He believes that introverts can make strong leaders. Speaking at an engagement in 2013, he said that there’s a benefit to being introverted—introverts have the unique ability to separate themselves from others for a few days, which allows them to think deeply about a problem, read everything they can about it, and consider angles that others haven’t.
Extroverts think that if something is fun for them, it should be fun for us, too. Although introverts can and do enjoy the occasional party, we generally have a different definition of fun. Our ideal Saturday night probably involves staying home, snuggled in our pajamas, and watching Netflix while eating takeout. Or maybe online gaming, reading a book, working on our graphic novel, coloring, or composing songs. Or getting dinner with one of our favorite friends and talking about everything that is on our minds.
The introvert hangover could also be called “social burnout” or a “social hangover.” No matter what we call it, an introvert hangover can be rough. Some introverts experience physical symptoms.
when you experience an introvert hangover, you get an overwhelming desire to be alone.
Every introvert experiences the introvert hangover a little differently. You may not get sweaty palms like Shawna or feel grouchy like Kayla. You may get an introvert hangover after twenty minutes of socializing or after two days, and it may last for a few minutes or a few hours.
