F*ck Marriage

by Tarryn Fisher

They act like they’re not the ones who’ve made us jaded in the first place, and then punish us for having battle wounds by leaving us for someone they haven’t fucked up yet.

As it turns out, I was accustomed to being left alone, and Woods was accustomed to being smothered. One of us always annoyed and the other always hurt.

“I should have walked you home. And I should have paid more attention to what you loved, not what I thought you should love. And I should have treated you like you needed protecting even if you didn’t.” I look

No one has a right to your happiness. It’s a private thing and you have the right to defend it.”

When your perfect world crumbles there’s nothing left to do but think.

“It’s become a cycle we’re unfortunately comfortable with. The longer you stay in an unhealthy relationship, the more druglike it becomes. You’re willing to deal with the side effects because they’re predictable. You can trust the bad in a way you can’t trust the unknown.”

And if my own partner didn’t know me, perhaps I was unknowable.

“I named myself. My parents gave me a bad name so I just changed it.” “Cool,” I say. “What was your name before?” “Simon.” He makes a face. “Simon says: change your name,” I joke. But Rocket is too young to get the reference.

Pretty sure every kid still knows simon says?

It’s painful when you remember good things about the person who broke your heart. It’s better to remember the things you hated, if only to keep the anger stronger than the sadness.

The war for love is fought by saying: You’re the one I want, you’re the one I need, you’re the one I’ll fight to keep. Neither of us fought.

“People evolve, yes. That’s healthy. But they don’t change everything about who they are unless they have a good reason, and Billie, you’re unrecognizable.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have waited to be better. Is that the problem with all of us—we need a reminder to be a decent wife, a decent daughter, a decent mother?

My family is detached, and because of that, I attached myself to Woods so fiercely, hoping to find what I’d been missing my whole life.