Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

by Nir Eyal

individuals who believed they were powerless to fight their cravings were much more likely to drink again.

Addicts’ beliefs regarding their powerlessness was just as significant in determining whether they would relapse after treatment as their level of physical dependence.

Labeling yourself as having poor self-control actually leads to less self-control.

Rather than telling ourselves we failed because we’re somehow deficient, we should offer self-compassion by speaking to ourselves with kindness when we experience setbacks.

people who are more self-compassionate experience a greater s...

An individual’s level of self-compassion had a greater effect on whether they would develop anxiety and depression than all the usual things that tend to screw up people’s lives, like traumatic life events, a family history of mental illness, low social status, or a lack of social support.

we can change the way we talk to ourselves in order to harness the power of self-compassion.

Self-compassion makes people more resilient to letdowns by breaking the vicious cycle of stress that often accompanies failure.

talk to yourself the way you might talk to a friend.

Reimagining the internal trigger, the task, and our temperament are powerful and established ways to deal with distractions that start within us.

Finally, and most important, we can change the way we see ourselves to get rid of self-limiting beliefs.

Part 2 Make Time for Traction

Chapter 9 Turn Your Values into Time

Traction draws you toward what you want in life, while distraction pulls you away.

if we don’t control our impulse to escape uncomfortable feelings, we’ll always look for quick fixes to soothe our pain.

The next step is to find ways to make traction more likely, starting with how we spend our time.

Instead of starting with what we’re going to do, we should begin with why we’re going to do it. And to do that, we must begin with our values.

values are “how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.” They are attributes of the person we want to be.

created a way to simplify and visualize the three life domains where we spend our time:

In order to live our values in each of these domains, we must reserve time in our schedules to do so.

You can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it’s distracting you from.

The most effective way to make time for traction is through “timeboxing.”

The goal is to eliminate all white space on your calendar so you’re left with a template for how you intend to spend your time each day.

It doesn’t so much matter what you do with your time; rather, success is measured by whether you did what you planned to do.

To create a weekly timeboxed schedule, you’ll need to decide how much time you want to spend on each domain of your life.

Start by creating a weekly calendar template for your perfect week.

book fifteen minutes on your schedule every week to reflect and refine your calendar by asking two questions: Question 1 (Reflect): “When in my schedule did I do what I said I would do and when did I get distracted?”

Question 2 (Refine): “Are there changes I can make to my calendar that will give me the time I need to better live out my values?”

Timeboxing enables us to think of each week as a mini-experiment.

By turning our values into time, we make sure we have time for traction.

Being indistractable is largely about making sure you make time for traction each day and eliminating the distraction that keeps you from living the life you want—one that involves taking care of yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Chapter 10 Control the Inputs, Not the Outcomes

you are at the center of the three domains. Like every valuable thing, you require maintenance and care, which takes time.

Taking care of yourself is at the core of the three domains because the other two depend on your health and wellness.

At a basic level, we need time in our schedules for sleep, hygiene, and proper nourishment.

when it comes to our time, we should stop worrying about outcomes we can’t control and instead focus on the inputs we can.

The one thing we control is the time we put into a task.

We tend to think we can solve our distraction problems by trying to get more done each minute, but more often the real problem is not giving ourselves time to do what we say we will.

Chapter 11 Schedule Important Relationships

In life, our loved ones deserve better, and yet, if we’re not careful with how we plan our time, residual beneficiaries are exactly what they become.

I’ve intentionally scheduled time with my daughter every week. Much like I schedule time for a business meeting or time for myself, I block out time on my schedule to be with her.

Similarly, my wife, Julie, and I make sure we have time scheduled for each other. Twice a month, we plan a special date.

figuring out how I could be helpful was itself work.

There’s no doubt scheduling time for family and ensuring they were no longer the residual beneficiary of my time greatly improved my relationship with my wife and daughter.

The people we love most should not be content getting whatever time is left over. Everyone benefits when we hold time on our schedule to live up to our values and do our share.

satisfying friendships need three things: “somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy.”

Unfortunately, the less time we invest in people, the easier it is to make do without them, until one day it is too awkward to reconnect.

by allowing our friendships to starve, we’re also malnourishing our own bodies and minds. If the food of friendship is time together, how do we make the time to ensure we’re all fed?

Chapter 12 Sync with Stakeholders at Work

workers who spend more than fifty-five hours per week on the job have reduced productivity;