Proper English

by K.J. Charles

She glanced down at her impressive bust. Pat couldn’t help following her gaze.

It seemed greedy to demand perfect compatibility if one’s prospective spouse also had a kind heart, overflowing coffers, and that bosom. Not that it was any of Pat’s business, because the woman was marrying Jimmy. Lucky bloody Jimmy.

“Fen is a lovely girl. Any man would be lucky to have her.”

i hope he’s gay for bill. that’s my guess (i guessed it the second we heard bill is a bachelor and then they were awkward around each other)

She didn’t think Jimmy would serve her such a trick, but he was a man, so her expectations were low.

“Revolver?” Miss Carruth echoed. “Does one shoot with a revolver?” “They’re not much use for anything else,” Pat pointed out, and felt a tingle of pleasure at the smile that lit Miss Carruth’s eyes. “What a pity. I thought I could use one to dress a hat.

It’s as well to know how to defend oneself, all the same. Better to have the ability and not need it than need it and not have it.”

i hope this comes up later tehehehe

“I dare say it depends a great deal on your upbringing,” Pat said. “My father found it easiest to behave as though he had five sons. I think he sometimes forgot he didn’t.”

“That’s very... I suppose that was what you wanted? A monogrammed gun?”

May I call you Patricia?” “Nobody is permitted to do that, but please do call me Pat.”

She smiled then—not the blinding beam full of merriment, but a smaller, quieter expression. It was a serious smile, if such a thing were possible, and Pat stared at her and found no breath in her lungs and nothing to say.

Pat jammed the cleaning rod down the barrel slightly too hard, and swore under her breath at the impact.

when ur daydreaming about smth you actually hate the idea of but ur unwilling to admit it bc that would be GAY

And she was lovely, too, with those bright eyes and soft, generous curves, which wasn’t relevant to her moral character but undeniably occupied quite a lot of Pat’s attention.

I know what you did. Pay up, or so will the world.”

jimmy had gay sex and therefore is being blackmailed. also lavender marriage? with pat living with them and being fen’s gf? ik in think of england it’s at this house

“Oh, let me see. Haven’t I been engaged before? Yes, twice. Isn’t this something of a whirlwind romance too? Yes, it is. Am I going to jilt him as I did the last two? Ooh, I simply don’t know yet.” Her voice was as sweet as ever, but there was a definite edge to it.

“I didn’t mean it as a criticism,” Fen said swiftly. “The opposite. I think it’s marvellous. You say what you mean.”

tehehehe i love this

I am pretty and sweet.” She enunciated the words. “I have been brought up to be pretty and sweet just as you’ve been brought up to be uncompromising and I want to be uncompromising.

she’s so good!!!

“There’s nothing in the world wrong with you, including your laugh.” She didn’t mention the bosom, with which there was absolutely nothing wrong at all. Quite the opposite.

People are awfully lazy, and ready to take other people at the value they put on themselves without thinking twice.

he hardly seemed interested in women

my agenda is coming together

Neither of them was wearing gloves, and Fen’s skin on Pat’s— It was only the touch of hands, for all the pressure of Fen’s fingers. It didn’t mean anything.

“I don’t understand how anyone could not see you,” Pat said again. “I don’t see how they couldn’t look. I don’t see how they could stop.”

They were adorable lips, plump and dark pink, which was an awful thing to notice when someone was upset.

at least ur conscious of the fact

“I am sensible,” Pat said. “That’s exactly what I am. I wear Rational Dress and sensible shoes and run a household and make carefully thought-out decisions. I do all those things because they have to be done, but I think people ought to have some frivolity too. Circuses as well as bread.

this is what i want to be!!! god if only

And if Jimmy, or anyone else, tells you that you ought to become serious and competent and sensible, they’re wrong. Lots of us can do that. Very few people make others happy, or care to, and that’s clearly something you do.”

ugh they are so well matched

There’s no shortage of any kind of people, so we might as well let each other be ourselves.”

fucking love this (i say this all the time)

“Yes,” Fen said intensely. “That is absolutely right. Why should one woman not be a serious vegetarian, and another a champion shooter, and a third a fluffy sort of—” “—delightful person to be with,” Pat put in. Fen dimpled. “And the fourth a drug fiend, I suppose, but one must take the rough with the smooth.”

“Have you been to the gazebo?”

the gayest location possible

“Oh, I see. So what will you do?” “I don’t know. Good heavens, I am tired of those three words,”

me coded

She squeezed Pat’s knee. Pat’s thigh tensed in instinctive response; she prayed Fen didn’t notice.

Perhaps everyone else in this house was intimidated by the loathsome Haworth, but if the man chose to tangle with the united Mertons he’d find out his mistake.

Buck up, girl, she told herself as she seated herself opposite him. If nobody else is going to put him in his place, you can show Fen how it’s done.

“Oh, we saw that show,” Bill said. “Jimmy and I.

gay

Bill said, “Was it, Jimmy?” “What?” “Miss Carruth was just saying how you took her to Ben-Hur and that it was thrilling.” Bill’s voice had a decided edge. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

bill is pisssssed about smth!!

“No, she is not,” Haworth said. His tone was light, even pleasant, except for a coil of malice that hung around the words like cigarette smoke. “I don’t choose to have my wife insulted. Do I, Anna?”

i hope he gets killed!!! or some sort of comeuppance jfc

with her usual smile: she was, Pat had noticed, always warmly polite to staff.

love to see it

“That might have been the worst meal since...the previous one. Good heavens.”

And if the beholder likes good eyes and a lovely smile and the spirit of a delightful, happy person infusing them, not to mention a quite outstanding bosom—”

everything you like🤔🤔🤔🤔

“Outstanding?” Fen shifted round, facing Pat, and moved her hands to cup the sides of her spectacular décolletage, giving it all a gentle, slightly jiggly boost upwards. “Would you say so?”

she’s amazing

Pat couldn’t look away. Nobody could, from that expanse of creamy skin.

i probably could

Fen leaned forward, studying her face, then raised a brow. “Eye of the beholder,” she said, and kissed her.

AHHHHHHHH FUCK YEAH

The day started magnificently, in large part because Maurice Haworth wasn’t there.

The Earl, used to the weather, bagged four birds; Jimmy and Mr. Keynes both took three. Bill, who was sadly out of practice, only winged a single partridge and cursed himself for an incompetent; Mr. Bouvier-Lynes wasted his shot entirely; and Pat brought down seven.

the way this is ordered is less and less for each next person but then BAM pat is a girlboss!!!

Jimmy’s own shooting clothes, like those of any self-respecting gun, could have belonged to a tramp.

“But if he came out, we could shoot him and blame Jack.

“Possibly she was under the impression you were a decent sort of chap,” Pat said icily. “I used to think that too.”

got ‘em

she suspected that he would fall in love with her after the marriage anyway. Who could not?

gay men. also obsessed with the “this statement is so universal!” from miss lesbian

And I am also jolly lucky to have friends who tell me when I’m being an ass.” “That’s all right,” Pat said. “I’ll do that whenever you like.”

“Sorry?” Pat said. “What do you mean—steal—” “Well, I’ll want some of her time for myself,” Jimmy said. “Take advantage of the bad weather to do my duty, show her the house properly, all that. What did you think I meant?” “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

when she is gay!

Bill took over when she ran out of steam, giving an exhaustive account of all his shots and concluding each, “Missed the blighter,” with an entirely straight face.

“And that will do.” Bill’s chair scraped in the frozen silence as he stood, tossing his napkin down. “Step outside with me a moment, Haworth.”

oh fuck yeah let’s fucking goooooo