Proper English

by K.J. Charles

Victoria Singh picked up her glass of water and threw it in his face.

LETS FUCKINB GOOOOOO

They were embracing, tightly—not kissing, but holding one another in a desperate grasp, so absorbed that they didn’t seem to have heard the Mertons’ footsteps.

awww that’s nice

but because he’d thought he could forget this affair and he couldn’t. He said he simply hadn’t realised that he was dreadfully in love until it was too late. It was actually very romantic, you know, although not for me. He’s terribly upset.”

i know we’ve gotten a reason for bill acting weird but 1) it could still be gay for them or 2) it could just be jimmy gay by himself

Everyone says a woman has to get married to settle down—to have someone else possess her—but you’re self-possessed. That’s what I want.”

“Oh, to hell with husbands,” Fen said, and pulled her forward.

everyone cheered

“I think you should probably assume I’m a novice. You?” “Finishing school,” Fen said elliptically. “Can I be the instructor now?” “Please be the instructor.”

“Good. First things first: you’re allowed to squeal. In fact, I positively encourage it.”

“So, just to be sure, you definitely don’t want me to not stop continuing?”

“On the contrary,” Fen said with a luxurious stretch. “I could be dramatically better. Try it and see. And don’t forget, you want me to squeal.”

“You are ridiculous.” “I know,” Fen said. “It’s part of my charm.”

me fr

That lasted for perhaps an hour before she heard the raised voices from the next room.

girl pleaseeee

He told her Haworth was right and that he’s been in love with someone else all along, which is of course dastardly, but at least Fen knows that it isn’t anything to do with her. Not that it must be very nice to be sought after for one’s money, but—” “Sorry, sorry,” Bill said. “He told Miss Carruth what?”

okay this is def more evidence. bill is like erm he’s in LOVE with me?! (god please kj charles i need it)

“Oh, a lot of romantic stuff about how he hadn’t realised he was dreadfully in love with this other girl until it was too late. You must surely know about her? Or is he keeping this a deep dark secret from everyone?” Bill cleared his throat. “I’d an idea, yes.”

cuz it’s youuuuuuu

She paused so Bill could fill in the gaps. He did not. Men had no idea how to conduct a conversation.

So she intends to lie low a while, and I’m going to lie low with her. Metaphorically, I mean.” “Right. Yes. Good.”

bro is accidentally saying gay asf things but her gay asf brother isn’t noticing because he’s thinking gay asf things

Victoria did so, walking across the room, then stopped. “Where is the kirpan?” “On the wall, dear.” “It’s not.”

uh oh!

“Nobody can leave.”

perfect mwahahahs

“I haven’t seen him all day, thank goodness,

i think he’s been murdereddd

Pat had intended to try the room she’d sat in earlier,

stop going there!!! ppl keep having arguments there!!!

her brother and Jimmy Yoxall, bare and entwined on the sofa, staring back at her with expressions of pure horror.

yupppppppppppppp

“I’m awfully sorry,” Pat said. “We should have knocked.”

she’s amazing

She shut the door carefully, and stepped away. Fen stared at the door, then up at Pat, then said, “Well. Your room, I think.”

“Where’s Maurice?” Jimmy asked after a few moments. “I’ve no idea,” his sister replied with glacial disinterest.

he’s defo dead

“I don’t think you ladies should go up,” Jack said, and for once there was no hint of a smile on his face. “There’s been an accident. A bad one.” “Is that Pat down there?” Bill’s voice came from above. “Thank goodness. Pop up, will you?”

LMAO

Jack stood behind her, as if on guard.

i kinda think it’s jack. they “had words” before it happened

Victoria looked at her accuser with bafflement. “I’m a vegetarian.”

I doubt I could do that and I’m stronger than Victoria. And more used to cutting up carcasses.” There were multiple noises of strong objection. Bill said, “Could have put that better, old girl.”

and so will Jimmy and I.” He did not look at Pat as he said that.

Pat supposed she’d get used to Fen’s occasional sharpness, peeking out from her lush appearance like a velvet-handled stiletto.

love the imageryyyy

“Breathe.” Easier said than done with her nose and mouth pressed against Fen’s skin. “I can’t,” Pat mumbled. “Of course you can,” Fen said, apparently unaware that the mound of her bosom was almost as much an impediment to working lungs as the shadow hanging over Bill.

“That remark about wooing a pretty girl? True. Although he obviously wasn’t that good, or he might have noticed the pretty girl wooing you.”

Murder is so often a family affair.

kinda thinking it might be the earl or smth rn

but she recalled the Earl out on his lands. Elderly, yes, but a hale and hearty countryman all the same.

yup yup

But really, if you go around teaching me to shoot and taking me seriously and listening to me and having such wonderful eyes—”

tehehehe

“I know we’ve only known each other three days—although another way to put it is that we’ve known each other for the length of this house party, which has been going on forever.

“Murder is ill-mannered,” Fen said. “Gosh, that sounded rather good, didn’t it? Like an axiom in an etiquette book.” “What sort of etiquette book—”

“I’m sorry, old thing. You must see, I had to shut him up before he talked himself onto the gallows. ‘Oh no, I was definitely on my own all that time.’ Idiot.” “I’m sorry,” Jimmy said, muffled. “I didn’t think.” “You never do,” Bill said. “You never bloody do.”

love them!

“You really cannot go around asking people if they’re being blackmailed,” Bill said.

Bill stood unmoving for a moment. Then he said, slowly, “So we—brother and sister—came here to visit an engaged couple, and now—” Pat felt the blood rush to her cheeks. “Must you put it like that?” “Oh dear God. Dear God almighty. Who the blazes cast a pair of Mertons in a French novel?”

LMAOOOOO

Unless you used gloves, Jack?” Jack’s expression suggested he had not used gloves.

And Pat took her hand from the deep pocket of her plain, practical dress, and with it the pearl-handled Harrington top-break revolver she’d carried there.

YESSSSSSS

and she had just held a murderer at gunpoint. “Goodness,” she said. “Shall we order tea?”

so british!

I shall definitely learn to use a gun. For all we know, I might have to return the favour one day.”

okay i’m assuming this happens in think of england. also i rlly gotta reread that now

“How many country-house murders do you think we’re likely to encounter?”

tehehehe