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Because the military had made me a soldier. But war had made me a beast.
I tried not to notice any of it. But then she smiled up at me, and every cell in my body reacted like they were detonated by a fucking atomic bomb. She was innocence and beauty. Light and goodness.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Cassidy,” I said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “But you’re kissing a goddamn frog. You should stick with the princes.”
“I wasn’t with Caleb either,” Honey said. “We were just friends. Now he can’t stop knocking me up.” “And I married my best friend, so …” Indy shrugged.
“You’re making me feel like Rose in Titanic,” she said with a cute grin. “We all know Jack would’ve survived if he’d climbed on that damn door with her.”
“I want to touch you more than anything in the whole fucking world. Do you understand me?” His hands came down to cup my face. “I want to kiss you more than I want fucking oxygen. I want to bury myself so deep inside you and make you cry out my name it makes me hard just thinking about it. But I won’t. Because if we’re up against what I think we’re up against, then I can’t afford the distraction. And you, California, are a big fucking distraction.”
It took me a while, but I finally climbed out of the deep pool of grief and confusion to understand it simply wasn’t my fault. And when the understanding hit, it was so freeing.
“I’m sick of the reminder,” I said. And then it happened. In a moment of weakness, I felt the emotion of the past year knock down a few of my barriers. I leaned against the tattoo bed, feeling the need to let some of the pain out to ease the pressure in my skull. The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. “It reminds me that I killed my girlfriend.”
and it fucking gutted me to know I’d hurt her. I was tired of fighting my feelings. I wanted to kiss her and more. I wanted to sink every inch of my rock hard cock into her sweet pussy. I wanted to make her cry out my name. I wanted to feel her writhe and whimper beneath me. I wanted to make her come all over my cock and get drunk on the sound of her moans, knowing it was me making her crazy with pleasure.
But she was going to leave if I didn’t give her another reason to stay. It was time to step off the ledge and fall toward her. I stared across at her, knowing she was everything I had ever wanted. “You make me want things I gave up wanting a long time ago,” I said finally.
“You’re a fucking angel. You deserve a man who knows how to love you right. I’ve never truly loved anyone. Maybe as a kid I thought I did, but I didn’t. Not really. And it’s been so long since I’ve made love to someone I’ve forgotten what it’s like. I’ve had plenty of sex, but sex is nothing. And you… Christ, Cassidy, you deserve to be touched with respect and tenderness, and love. And until I work out how to—”
Her dress slid to the floor. And just like that she was standing naked and tanned in the lounge room, looking so fucking perfect it stole my breath away. She was a goddess. So soft. So sweet. So irresistible. I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly.
In my mind, little pinholes of light were breaking through the darkness. But the darkness was resisting them, reminding me that she deserved better than this.
I’d always thought my darkness was the most powerful force I’d ever known. But it was nothing compared to the power of her allure.
“My body was broken over there, Cassidy. The scars are pretty horrific. But not all the scars are on the outside.” I slid the pad of my thumb across her lips. I needed her to understand what was growing inside of me. “I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you.”
She thought about it for a moment, looking up at me, her eyes glittering. Then she reached up and tenderly touched my face. “You talk like you’re a monster. But you’re not.”
When she faced me again, she rose up on her toes, and I felt her breath against my ear. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.
I was surprised by the affection I saw reflected in the deep blueness.
“I might be slightly fucked-up, but I’m not completely insane.” His smile was beautiful. “Letting you walk out would’ve been my only regret.”
We didn’t speak about our feelings. Didn’t talk about what was happening. Didn’t make plans. Because despite the euphoric bliss of our lovemaking, we were both realists and we still wondered if this was something that could ever last. We were too broken. Too jaded by our past. And too frightened of our future.
“Stay here with me,” I said, gutting myself open and exposing myself completely to her.
Her beautiful blue eyes shone up at me. “Chance, I’m not here because I have to be. Not anymore. I’m here because I’ve never felt anything like this in my entire fucking life.”
As we walked across the bridge back to the other side of the river, the sky rumbled with thunder and cracked open, sending a fast and furious downpour onto us. But instead of making a run for it, we stood under the pelting rain and kissed like lovesick teenagers. I held her rain-soaked face to mine, consumed by the sweet taste of her, my chest filling with all the feelings I’d trapped in my heart for so long.
“Baby, the day I can’t make time for this is the day they should bury me,”
Cannabis brownies. Grandma Sybil was fucking hilarious.
“I’ll tell you what, sweetheart, it’s a lot more fun at my age. You get away with a lot more than you do when you’re young!”
“You mean to tell me you keep a shotgun in the toilet?” “And a handgun behind the refrigerator.” She gave me a pointed look as she rammed another round into the shotgun. “This is the MC world, darlin’. If you want to survive, you need to expect the unexpected and make sure you got enough firepower to cope.”
Your badass granny kicked their butts.” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I remembered the old lady and her shotgun.
“I wish you could see me as I see you,” I said softly.
pushed his fingers through my hair. “I love you,” he whispered. Magic lit up inside of me. I opened my mouth to tell him that I loved him too, but he pressed a finger to my lips. Torment registered on his face and I watched his throat work as he swallowed thickly.
