Reinventing Your Life

by Jeffrey E. Young

AN ABANDONMENT FLASHCARD Right now I feel devastated because Richard is withdrawing from me, and I am about to become angry and needy. However, I know that this is my Abandonment lifetrap, and that my lifetrap is triggered by just the slightest evidence of withdrawal. I need to remember that people in good relationships withdraw, and that withdrawal is part of the natural rhythm of good relationships. If I start behaving in an angry and clingy way, I will push Richard even further away. Richard has a right to pull away at times. What I should do instead is work with my thoughts to try to take a longer view of the relationship as a whole. My feelings are way out of proportion to reality. I can tolerate my feelings and remember that in the big picture Richard and I are still connected, and the relationship is good. To best help myself, I should turn my attention to my own life, and ways of developing myself. The better able I am to be on my own, the better I will be in relationships.