The Other Side

by Kim Holden

I could’ve said comics or drawing or music, but those things don’t make me happy, they prop me. They prolong me. They keep me alive. For now.

I feel like such a goddamn failure right now. No one is supposed to see this. It’s supposed to remain hidden. My sadness is mine and it shouldn’t bleed all over anyone else.

Everything takes more effort than it should. I just want to sleep. Forever.

“Some people aren’t worth fighting for, Toby. You’re not one of them. There are people we meet in this life who anchor us. They reassure us with their presence. They bring us comfort simply by being. They love by osmosis, radiating it out and diffusing it in effortlessly. Quietly, they walk among us, treading lightly but providing stability and influence because it’s second nature. The thing that’s so special about these people is that they don’t even know they’re doing it.”

my first edition Dark Knight Returns comic book because getting lost in someone else’s imagination and art provided a necessary coping mechanism for years;

“He died knowing he was loved completely, and that was a gift. A gift that most people won’t get.”

This emotion is immense, it’s an eruption deep inside me that can’t be fully expelled out into the light of day. I can’t focus. My eyes are blurry. My mind is blurry. My existence is blurry.

“And depression isn’t about weakness, it’s about battling and wanting to deaden the pain, not the person.”

I think sometimes we take people for granted…or we just assume that they know how we feel about them because if it’s so obvious to us, shouldn’t it be obvious to them too? I know now that people don’t know…they can’t know…unless we tell them.

“It’s not that I’ve forgotten what the pain of hopelessness feels like. It’s frighteningly vivid and it scares me that I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will return. Because now that I know what it’s like to live without it for a few consecutive days, I don’t ever want to go back there.”

There’s unfortunately a misconception attached to depression and mental illness in general. People don’t talk about it. They hide it. They’re ashamed of it. But why? Imagine if we didn’t talk about cancer, or heart disease, or diabetes, or any number of other ailments that affect the body? Thousands of people would suffer and die unnecessarily without treatment. The same should hold true for ailments of the mind. Societal compassion and understanding would go a long way in saving people’s lives. Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help when you need it. And if you don’t get it, ask someone else until you do. Your mental state is important, it drives your quality of life. Fight for it.”

Fight. Fight. FIGHT. For yourself. For happiness. For life. You deserve it all, my friend. You are a precious resource that cannot be replaced.