The Other Side

by Kim Holden

“The most important time to listen is when words are missing, that’s when hearts cry out the loudest.”

“Just promise me that someday, when it doesn’t hurt so much to talk about, you’ll tell me the story. I want to hear it, Toby. I want to hear all of your stories.”

“I’m sorry.” In those two hushed words, I’m brought back to all the times I’ve heard them uttered in that same tone. Sometimes it’s warranted, most times it isn’t. Nina has always been the type of person to apologize first and the vast majority of them are inserted needlessly into a situation to smooth things over. Saying, “I’m sorry,” to someone, when they’re the one who should be saying it to her instead, is a lifelong, chronic problem. Taking the blame for everything is a by-product of insecurity and a sense of worthlessness in Nina. Self-doubt has always been louder than her cheerleader…me. That’s always pissed me off.

“Every kiss eventually ends. The memory of them doesn’t. I’ll still feel that one when I’m ninety,”

“There was light, Toby.” The wonder has slipped from her eyes into her voice. “What could you see?” I ask hopefully. She pauses like there’s so much she wants to say and doesn’t have the words. “There were faint flickers of light…” She pauses again and her eyes drift up like talking about the memory will recall it visually to life. “And they…they…” An errant tear escapes the corner of her eye and trails over her cheekbone to her earlobe where it pools before her chin drops and she finishes her thought. “They pulsed in time with the music. I felt like I was inside of the rib cage of the song, watching its heartbeat.

“I’ve never wished I could touch someone’s voice before, but I want to touch yours so badly my fingers itch.”

“Please write that down. And then read it to me again. And again. Poems flirt like hell with my mind.”

I don’t want anything between my mind and your lips. I want to remember it all. Clearly.”

“I’m not sure where you learned to kiss like that, but I’d like to offer her my sincere and undying appreciation.”

“I’ve had three boyfriends and each time I thought I was in love. I thought they were the one,” she sings the words to emphasize how silly the idea was, “and that we would be together forever.” “What do you think now?” I probe. My inhibitions have been freed; inebriation will do that. “I think I lent my heart to boys who didn’t know how to treat it or me.”

“Your knight in shining armor,” I interject. She smiles knowingly and corrects me. “My knight in leather and eyeliner.”

(About Taber)

“Everyone cares about someone, some of us are just shit at showing it.”

You don’t scare me, Toby Page. People aren’t perfect. It’s not about loving them when it’s easy and convenient; it’s about loving them even more when it’s hard.”

Sometimes in life, there are moments of clarity so blinding in their revelation that they change everything. It’s usually something small, something obvious, that we wonder how we missed it before.

There’s unfortunately a misconception attached to depression and mental illness in general. People don’t talk about it. They hide it. They’re ashamed of it. But why? Imagine if we didn’t talk about cancer, or heart disease, or diabetes, or any number of other ailments that affect the body? Thousands of people would suffer and die unnecessarily without treatment. The same should hold true for ailments of the mind. Societal compassion and understanding would go a long way in saving people’s lives. Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help when you need it. And if you don’t get it, ask someone else until you do. Your mental state is important, it drives your quality of life. Fight for it.”