The Other Side

by Kim Holden

Guilt and me, we’re conjoined. One. When it isn’t stabbing me, I drag it around like a ball and chain.

Music is fleeting; it’s chance. So when I hear a good song, it feels like fate because it can’t be planned or predicted. Like the universe has turned it on to flirt with me, to blindfold my dark thoughts and lord over them, lulling them into a submissive union for three or four minutes.

I don’t want her to be Say goodbye to hope Alice. I want her to be Never lose hope Alice.

If you’re right, you don’t yell about it until you’re red in the face and someone believes you. Volume doesn’t change minds, it closes them.),

“Now I have a thing for deep voices that reverberate behind my ribs long after I’ve heard them; innate kindness; and people who see me, not the fact that I can’t.”

“The most important time to listen is when words are missing, that’s when hearts cry out the loudest.”

No one is supposed to see this. It’s supposed to remain hidden. My sadness is mine and it shouldn’t bleed all over anyone else.

“Every kiss eventually ends. The memory of them doesn’t. I’ll still feel that one when I’m ninety,”

depression is different than sadness. Sadness is melancholy. Depression is a black hole of despair. I always imagine it’s like drowning. There are short bursts of fresh air, like Alice, but the past, the hopelessness, the guilt, and self-loathing is a pair of lead shoes that always pull me back under.

She’s a dichotomy, a division, a blend of contradicting (sometimes harmonious and sometimes not) emotions that are always a revelation of exactly who Alice is at any moment in time. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s not guarded, she’s ardently forthcoming. Naked. Exposed. I always feel so flat. Her dimension is awe-inspiring.

“I’ve never wished I could touch someone’s voice before, but I want to touch yours so badly my fingers itch.”

“You make my pulse race, Alice.”

Love isn’t lopsided. Infatuation is.”

It’s been months since I had a true friend. But with you, I feel like I’ve finally found one. You make me feel normal, Toby. I have fun with you because I can be myself.”

“Some people aren’t worth fighting for, Toby. You’re not one of them. There are people we meet in this life who anchor us. They reassure us with their presence. They bring us comfort simply by being. They love by osmosis, radiating it out and diffusing it in effortlessly. Quietly, they walk among us, treading lightly but providing stability and influence because it’s second nature. The thing that’s so special about these people is that they don’t even know they’re doing it.”

“And depression isn’t about weakness, it’s about battling and wanting to deaden the pain, not the person.”

Thank you for not leaving us tonight. We need you in the world because you make it a better place.”

People aren’t perfect. It’s not about loving them when it’s easy and convenient; it’s about loving them even more when it’s hard.”

I made it to the other side.

Maybe just existing today is enough.

There’s unfortunately a misconception attached to depression and mental illness in general. People don’t talk about it. They hide it. They’re ashamed of it. But why? Imagine if we didn’t talk about cancer, or heart disease, or diabetes, or any number of other ailments that affect the body? Thousands of people would suffer and die unnecessarily without treatment. The same should hold true for ailments of the mind. Societal compassion and understanding would go a long way in saving people’s lives.

Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help when you need it. And if you don’t get it, ask someone else until you do. Your mental state is important, it drives your quality of life. Fight for it.”

“I’m not going anywhere. And as much as I may be Toby’s support system, he’s also mine—we’d need another hour to discuss all the ways.” She smiles. “He’s a good person and so easy to love. I’m proud of him. He’s my hero.”

“The girl who sees the stars despite the clouds taught me to do the same. And it changed everything.”

We never truly know what’s going on in other people’s minds. In their lives. Even those closest to us. Be gentle with each other. Talk to each other. Listen to each other. Tell your friends and family you love them every chance you get. Compliment a stranger. Initiate a conversation with someone you don’t know. People need to be seen, heard, and loved—it’s part of what makes the human experience so…human.