The Other Side

by Kim Holden

“The most important time to listen is when words are missing, that’s when hearts cry out the loudest.”

So, I lie. “I’m not sad.” Or maybe it isn’t a lie, depression is different than sadness. Sadness is melancholy. Depression is a black hole of despair. I always imagine it’s like drowning. There are short bursts of fresh air, like Alice, but the past, the hopelessness, the guilt, and self-loathing is a pair of lead shoes that always pull me back under.

She isn’t just aging, she’s decaying like a bouquet of flowers whose vibrancy has run its course and is wilting away to dust.

I’m talking to you. The one whose pain is unbearable. The one drowning in hopelessness. The one feeling completely unworthy of being loved. The one who’s lonely, even in a crowded room surrounded by friends. The one thinking that the world would be better if you didn’t exist. I see you.

You are so loved. You matter. You make a difference in others’ lives in ways you’ll never know. Just like Toby. You fill a place in space and time that is yours and yours alone. Because no other human being—past, present, or future—can be you.

You’ll get through this. I promise.

depression isn’t about weakness, it’s about battling and wanting to deaden the pain, not the person.”

People aren’t perfect. It’s not about loving them when it’s easy and convenient; it’s about loving them even more when it’s hard.”

She was human, she made mistakes, but she never wanted those mistakes to affect anyone else. It’s the reason she disappeared from our lives when she was using. She didn't want her demons to become ours. She saw distance as a shield, for us, not her.