The Other Side

by Kim Holden

“I’m so sorry, Nina,” I whisper to the air. “I’m sorry there was so much I didn’t know. I’m sorry I couldn’t help. I’m sorry that life was so hard for you.” Pinching my lips together, I take in a deep, shaky breath through my nose. “I miss you. Every day I miss you. I’ve blamed myself for two years for your death. But I think I finally realize you lived with depression, the same way I live with depression. It’s hard. It’s so hard when you don’t believe you’re good enough. Or smart enough. Or just…enough. I should’ve told you that you were. You were enough. I should’ve told you that I loved you more than just once. I should’ve told you how funny you were. And how much I looked up to you. And that I love music because you loved music. I should’ve told you a lot of things. I think sometimes we take people for granted…or we just assume that they know how we feel about them because if it’s so obvious to us, shouldn’t it be obvious to them too? I know now that people don’t know…they can’t know…unless we tell them. Because saying it, or hearing it, can literally be the difference between life and death. I’ll never go another day without letting people know how I feel, even though it’s hard. I’m starting with Alice. I know I won’t have the right words, or I’ll be embarrassed, but I won’t let that stop me. Because it matters. People need to hear it. Thank you for teaching me so many things. You were enough, even if you didn’t believe it.”