Sorted: Growing Up, Coming Out, and Finding My Place (A Transgender Memoir)

by Jackson Bird

Transgender: Someone whose gender does not match the sex they were assigned at birth.

Cisgender: Someone whose gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

Nonbinary: Someone whose gender is beyond the binary of male and female, whether that means being neither, both, somewhere in between, another gender entirely, or some combination of any of those. This can include, but is not limited to, people who are genderqueer, bigender, genderfluid, agender, and more. In addition to being an umbrella term, nonbinary can also be u...

Transition: The act of socially, legally, or medically adapting to live life as one’s affirmed gender. This might include coming out, changing your name, undergoing hormone replacement therapy, or ...

Trans Man: Someone who was assigned female at birth but is male. Note the space between “trans” and “man,” indicating that “trans” is an adjective. Trans men are men, even without the adject...

Trans Woman: Someone who was assigned male at birth but is female. Note the space between “trans” and “woman,” indicating that “trans” is an adjective. Trans women are women, even without the adject...

FTM: An initialism for Female-to-Male, which refers to people who were assigned fema...

MTF: An initialism for Male-to-Female, which refers to people who were assigned male...

Transsexual: Someone whose gender does not match the sex they were assigned at birth, usually in reference to binary trans women and trans men who undergo some type of medical transition. It has gone out of favor with many people in the current and upcoming generations, but remains an important identity marker a...

Transmasculine: An inclusive way to refer to people who were assigned female at birth and fall along the masculine spectrum with regard to expression, transition, identity, or more. While this can include trans men as well as some nonbinary and gender...

Transfeminine: An inclusive way to refer to people who were assigned male at birth and fall along the feminine spectrum with regard to expression, transition, identity, or more. While this can include trans women as well as some nonbinary and gender-nonconforming people, it doesn’t necessarily apply to all of them.

Intersex: A person who was born with any number of conditions in which their sexual or reproductive anatomy does not adhere to the typical expectations of male or female. This is not a type of transgender identity, though some intersex people are also transgender.

Gender-Nonconforming: Someone whose gender expression does not adhere to typical expectations of their affirmed gender. Not all gender-nonconforming people are transgender, and not all transgender people are gender-nonconforming. This term is often used in reference to historical figures whose gender identity we cannot be certain of, cisgender people who subvert their gender in one way or another, and children wh...

Gender Dysphoria: The anxiety or unease experienced with regard to the incongruence between one’s innate sense of gender and one’s assigned sex—including how one is perceived by ot...

Hormone Replacement Therapy: The administration of androgens or anti-androgens to induce secondary sex characteristics of an individual’s affirmed gender. Sometimes referred to as cross-sex hormones, HRT, or simply hormones. You may al...

Binding: The use of a compression device to flatten one’s chest. To combat unsafe practices like tape or compression bandages, many companies produce safely designed nylon compression vests c...

Gender Affirmation Surgery: Any number of surgical alterations trans people might elect to undergo as part of their transition. Many trans people never undergo any type of surgery due to cost, extenuating health concerns, or personal choice. No type of medical procedure is required in order be trans.

Top Surgery: The common term for chest reconstruction surgery, which some people undergo to either remove or augment their breasts. For more detailed information about transmasculine top surgery, see chapter twenty-three.

Passing: The act of being assumed by others to be a particular gender or identity, regardless of how you identify. While a useful term and popular milestone for some transgender people, it’s not without controversy. The term can imply that a person is simply playacting as a gender and not actually that gender. It also puts sometimes unnecessary emphasis on a connection between physical appearanc...

Stealth: A term describing someone who is not open about being transgender in some or...

LGBTQ+: An initialism for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer (or Questioning). The plus sign refers to the many more identities that can fall under this umbrella term. Sometimes you’ll see other letters or numbers included, such as “A” for asexual, “I” for intersex, “2” for Two Spirit, and ...

When asked about how to keep up with the sheer number of terms we use in the LGBTQ+ community without offending anyone, I always have two pieces of advice: 1. Be compassionate and show you’re really putting forth the effort. Small flubs will be excused if it’s clear you’re trying and willing to learn. 2. Take a moment to think about what you’re saying. These terms have been created to make language more precise, not more confusing.

“They’re not women’s clothes or men’s clothes, they’re my clothes. I bought them.”

Labels can be so important to understanding who you are, finding a community of people with similar experiences, and gaining access to resources you might need. But they can also be oppressive and limiting, like when they come attached to laws restricting rights or when they leave no room for growth or variance between binary options.

Assigned Female at Birth? Assigned Female at Birth, or AFAB, and Assigned Male at Birth, or AMAB, are the preferred terms to use instead of “biological male/female,” “born male/female,” “natal male/female,” “male/female bodied,” “genetic male/female,” etc.

Knowing this accepted term, some people might be tempted to ask trans or nonbinary people what sex they were assigned at birth. This can quickly turn into a faux-polite way of asking what’s in their pants. Consider why you need to know. Even when you’re using the “accepted” language, your question can still be rude and invasive.

Maybe I looked at the boys in my class with envy, but I never felt for certain like I should have been one of them, only that I sometimes wished I were.