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Bella lowered her head. God, please…this isn’t about the food. I mean, yeah, bless the food and the hands that prepared it, but please don’t let Mo die. God, please. Pleasse. I’m begging you. Take a little life away from me and just give it to her. Just let her wake uppp. She lifted her head. “Amen.”
He popped open a bag of Hot Cheetos. “Veggie straws,” he snickered. “This is real nigga food.” She jerked her neck back, as he held the bag up to her face.
He shrugged. “That’s just how I’m cut. Fuck shit up over what I feel like fucking shit up over. Over you, it feel like I’ma be fucking a lot of shit up.”
Aria wasn’t a girl who made friends easily. She didn’t trust women. She didn’t love women, but Morgan was her sister. They developed such a strong bond, in such a short period of time, that it felt like her own flesh and blood was hurting. Aria could feel it in her soul. She was such an empath that she had tossed and turned all night. Something in her had been unsettled, and now she knew why.
Aria didn’t even know Alani, but this embrace was the only thing keeping her standing. This hug felt like it came from a woman who cared, and she clung to her until she gained her composure.
“Where the fuck they make you at?” Aria asked. “Nigga, I’ll lay all this on your altar.”
“Sorry, Pastor. I’m just saying. I’m a sinner. I’m in need of prayer. Closed door confession, sir.”
Wake your ass up before I fuck your pastor.”
“I told you not to make me choose, Wo. If you’re alive, she’s always in danger. She’s never safe. I can’t stay to keep her safe, but I can’t leave her if you’re alive. I can’t, Wo. She’s mine. I’ll sacrifice anything for her. Even you, Wo. It was you or her. I’m so sorry.”
If he could leave and be confident that Wozi would never seek revenge against Morgan, he would have let her live. He knew his sister, however. She was a menace; and once she had spoken the threat against Morgan, it was written that she would kill her. Wozi didn’t make idle threats. She didn’t speak without thinking. It would only be a matter of time before she touched Morgan, so Messiah touched her first.
Morgan made his heart race. She gave him purpose. He would never not choose her. No matter how difficult of a decision it may be. He would lay anybody to rest for her. Over her. Because of her. Morgan was justification enough to commit murder and condemn his soul to hell.
All the pressures of their world were balanced on his shoulders. He was balancing so much that it felt like he would fumble. He had fumbled.
“She can’t go by herself. Mo won’t make it. You say there’s a God, she won’t make it to Him, without someone to lead her there. If she doesn’t open her eyes, I’ve got to close mine. I’ve got to make sure she gets to God.”
“If anything happens to you, I will not make it. You can’t talk like this. I’ll die, Ethic. I will. Mo dies, you die, I die, then what? Those babies grow up without anyone. They need you. I need you. So, Mo has to wake up. She just has to open her eyes and save us all. You can’t lead Mo to God. You don’t know Him. I know you’re not all the way there yet because you wouldn’t be giving up right now. You’d have faith. If you go, I go, because I’ve got to make sure you get there. No. She just has to wake up. She is going to wake up.”
He pressed his forehead to Alani’s. “Take care of my kids.”
“We ran a full blood panel on Morgan. She’s pregnant, Mr. Okafor. About 18 weeks along.”
“She’s pregnant,” he uttered. “A baby?” he whispered, in disbelief. “Mo is pregnant.” That one came out in utter wonder, barely audible. “I’ma kill him. I’ma kill him. I’ma fucking kill him.”
“Mo, I’m right here. Come back for me, Mo. Morgan! Wake up! Baby girl, just wake up for me!” Poor Ethic. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.
“Shit just can’t ever be right, you know? Like it’s a constant juggling act. When I didn’t have you, my kids were straight. Now, you’re here and Mo’s in this fucking hospital bed. It’s just constant loss. I’m constantly dropping the ball. It makes me feel like I’m choking. She’s laying here, fighting for her life, because of me. It feels like I can’t breathe.”
“I’ll breathe for you,” Alani answered. “I love you, Ezra. I’m in love with you and everything attached to you. I’ll breathe for every single one of you. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t hers either. Sometimes, life just gets so hard.”
“You hurt me so bad, Mo,” Bella sobbed. “Everything fell apart without youuu.”
“I snuck into your courses and took finals for you. I knew you were waking up, and when you did, no way was I going to let my girl have to re-do freshman year. My ass probably flunked them bitches anyway, but you can’t say I didn’t try.”
“It hurts because you’re living, Mo. Life hurts sometimes. You have a lot of life ahead of you, baby girl, but you got to be here to get to the good part. You’ve got to be here…”
“We just learned that part. That part’s no good. We’ve had a lot of hate for Mizan for a lot of years and I reacted off that hate, but he’s this baby’s father too,” Ethic said. “He’s shown us other parts, Mo.”
“You don’t keep a man from his kid, Morgan. And you don’t make decisions about a man’s kid without involving him. Ever. There’s no undoing that. I know that hurt. That’s not happening,” Ethic said.
Hurting Ethic ruined her.
You’re not obligated to make any decision on anyone else’s behalf but your own.
“What did I do?” she cried, as her lip quivered. “You tried to run from pain, but the only way to deal with pain is to feel it. Get through it, Mo, and I’m right here to help you find your way when you get lost. You hear me?” he asked.
“I’m going to kill that nigga, baby. I got to. I got to. I fucking…”
“Forgiveness is for the strong. Be strong, Ethic. Like it or not, Messiah and Morgan have a baby on the way. He’s your family now. If I can forgive you, you can forgive him.” “He was lurking, waiting…” “And he clearly loves you,” Alani said. “He clearly loves Mo. He had every opportunity to hurt you and he’s resisted all these years. He’s been around for years, Ethic, and he never struck. He fell in love with you. It’s easy to do.
“You mean something to Messiah and he means something to you. That’s why the betrayal hurts because it came from someone you love. We
“He’s not his brother, Ethic,” Alani interrupted. “He didn’t kill Raven. Same way I didn’t hurt Morgan. We can’t help who we’re related to.”
Messiah had considered all the possibilities, but killing Ethic would erase any chance he had to ever even speak to Morgan again.
Killing Ethic was not only dangerous but damaging. If Messiah was honest with himself, he would admit that he had love for Ethic. He was his OG, he had taught him too much to follow through with such a treacherous plan. Messiah would walk away with his soul clean on this one. He would take the L and love Mo from afar, because no one else was getting close to his heart.
He felt like a snake. Messiah had seen his share of grimy days and he knew he was a menace to most, but to her, he had been good.
If he had ever been capable of loving someone before Morgan, it would have been Bleu. From the very first time he’d laid eyes on her, he’d known she was a special girl. The friendship they had built over the years was valuable to him. It meant something, and he didn’t realize it until this very moment when he was forced to let it go.
“Messiah,” she whispered, sympathetically. “She loves you. I love you, boy. Saviour loves you. You have people here. You can’t just run from this. Shit gets hard. You talk it out. You work through it. You don’t run off. That girl is ruined. You chewed her up at my house. Don’t do this. You can have an entire life here.”
“I was going to put a bullet in his head, Bleu. Ethic ain’t forgetting that shit. So, either I murk that nigga and she hate me forever, or I leave, and I miss her forever,” Messiah said. “Or he kills me and none of the above is an option. Forever ain’t that long. I’ma be good.” He nodded like he was trying to convince himself.
“I’m fucked up, but never let nobody bend my name when it come to her, B. Never let niggas say I did what I did because I hated her. I never hated her. I love her. Don’t let ‘em run the stories back no different. I love her the only way I know how, B,” he said, lip quivering. He had no control over his emotions. The vulnerability was painful to a man who was used to feeling nothing.
Besides Morgan, Bleu was the only other person he was worried about leaving. She had a dark history with addiction and he didn’t want her falling off.
“Always,” she said, with a nod and a tear-filled gaze. “She taught you how to love, Messiah. At least call her.”
The dependency Morgan possessed when it came to Ethic was showing. He was hers. Her protector and the love of her young life. She could depend on him. She always had, and she needed him to just save her. She didn’t want anyone to fix her but him, because he was the only one who understood why she was the way she was. Soulmates of a different form, Ethic was the most important person in her life. Even Messiah didn’t measure up when it came to prioritizing her love.
This was no normal connection between father and child, this was a love affair with limits. Ethic and Morgan had created the purest form of love and wrapped rules around it that kept it appropriate, but she could see that he loved her differently than his other children. He loved her more than his other children. It wasn’t romantic, but it wasn’t platonic either. It was obsessive.
They had never healed from the trauma that connected them; instead, they bound their hearts together and let them bleed and scab over, leaving behind a gruesome scar. It was devastating to bear witness to this moment. Alani
I promise you I will take the utmost care of her. This is the hard part, admitting that a loved one needs help…that prayer can’t fix it…Morgan didn’t cut a wrist for attention. She created a death chamber inside your home. She’s a danger to herself, and I know leaving her feels like torture, but taking her would show that you don’t care, Mr. Okafor. It would be the biggest form of neglect because your love can’t fix the depression rotting in her mind. Let me help her,” the woman said.
“Because my love for you has no limits,” she whispered.
“God, please. I know I put in a lot of work for the other side. I know, Man. I know I’m fucked up. I know this prayer fucked up too, but You gave me something that was fucking beautiful, Man. I just need a little more time with her to be able to let her know I’m sorry. To show her why I’m fucking insane in the head over her. She don’t even know how good she is, Man.” Messiah scoffed, shaking his head, as he curved the envelop in his hand, turning it into a cylinder that he gripped tightly. “You put an angel down here just for me and she has no idea she even belongs to You. Just give me time
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“I was busy living. I didn’t want to take the time out to die. I found a girl to love me for a little while. It was worth it.”
You know who I am. You know I ain’t shit. I fuck up everybody around me. You stay long enough, I’ma hurt you too,” he said.
“Don’t ever bring nobody here,” he said, stubbornly, chin quivering, as he reached for her, pulling her close and burying his head in her stomach. “Nobody, B. Not Isa, not Ahmeek, and especially not Morgan. Don’t ever bring her. I don’t ever want her to see me sick.”
